Here are the most batshit crazy things that happened in 2017

Never forget the time someone was banned from Eduroam for illegally downloading Chicken Run

People assumed 2017 couldn't be any worse than 2016, and those people were wrong.

The list is too long to go through now, but it's been a hell of a year, like actual hell.

But in this crazy world university life remains much the same. Students do ridiculous things to pass the time, universities fuck up in increasingly moronic ways, and student Tories and rugby lads continue to be dicks.

Here are the most batshit crazy things that happened across UK campuses this year.

January

These lads from Royal Holloway made a recruitment video to find a new housemate

"Unfortunately my ex-housemate and ex-friend Kieran Grub has had to drop out *sips from a can of Budweiser* because he's a nobhead!"

HELLO! I'm looking for a housemate as Kieran Grubb has dropped out of our property for next year. Rather than just post this information online I thought it would be far more appropriate to spend three days making a video about what values we want in a housemate and what values we can provide for you! We have secured a house on Lynwood Avenue for September 2017 which currently consists of:Daniel SwiftAmber LickerishJames RussellCassie BoyceMeIf you'd like to have some more info please contact me or any of the others and we'll get back to you.Special thanks go to Charlie Catnip Catmull for filming and putting up with my ideas, as well as:Amber Lickerish, Jack Read, Emma Spore, Kieran Grubb, Daniel Swift, Jess Hines and Megan Eaton. Thanks!

Posted by Harry Ainsworth on Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Two Northumbria students were hospitalised after being given the equivalent of 300 cups of coffee and left them fighting for their lives

The uni was fined £400,000 for the research experiment that went wrong.

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Paul Sinha from 'The Chase' ended up at a Birmingham students' house party

'The Sinnerman' was supposed to be doing Dry Jan but cracked with 11 days still to go.

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February

A Cambridge student Tory burned a £20 note in front of a homeless person

Wait, a Tory did this?! That's not like them at all.

We can exclusively reveal the footage of the student burning money in front of a homeless personCopyright: Tab Media ltd

Posted by The Tab Cambridge on Friday, February 10, 2017

The Kent U18s squad took the underage suburban clubbing scene by storm

There will never be a greater club photo.

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A Swansea graduate managed to write his 10,000 word dissertation in 36 hours and still get a first

Shame it's a degree from Swansea.

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These Glasgow third years made a flat Instagram account and it's one of the most wholesome things I've ever seen

Pls can I move in.

Drake spent £500 on Nando's in Leeds

He didn't get anything above medium spice though, the wettie.

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A couple were caught on video having sex in the Loughborough SU nightclub

Imagine having the confidence/desperation to get your willy out in the middle of the SU.

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March

A Sheffield club played Darude's Sandstorm 55 times in a row

I can't imagine people got sick of this at all.

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A Cardiff Uni rugby team planned a "fuck a fatty competition" for their social

But don't worry because when they were asked to explain the social, the boys said: "This absolutely did not happen and was not meant as a suggestion. It was one of the guys trying to make a personal joke aimed at one of the other boys."

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Sussex Varsity was abandoned after descending into violence

Pitch invasions, police involvement, fighting, streaking, people bottling each other. That's exactly what sport is all about right?

Varsity abandoned after descending into violence

Varsity was abandoned after descending into violence

Posted by The Tab Sussex on Monday, March 20, 2017

A Cardiff student blacked up for a house party and said it wasn't racist

His apology read: "I can assure you that I did not have racist intentions, nor am I a racist, however completely understand the offence taken and the naivety of my actions.

"The decision was made late on in the evening, heavily under the influence of alcohol as a last resort for a costume however this does not excuse my actions."

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Atomic Kitten were bottled off stage after three songs at Lincoln SU

Natasha Hamilton shouted “fuck you” and raised her middle finger before walking off.

Later in the year, Lincoln students also bottled Jedward off the stage when they came to perform. Lincoln, you keep doing you.

A police officer joined a house group chat whilst trying to bring a drunk housemate home

He had to post a selfie for them to believe he was really a police officer.

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April

The NUS banned whooping, cheering and clapping

A little known fact is the NUS lot actually host the best afters.

Why students are using jazz hands

From NUS conference: the audience applauds with jazz hands, because clapping triggers anxiety

Posted by The Tab on Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Edinburgh and Glasgow landlords offered students 'free flats' in exchange for sex

One read: “Instead of taking any money we can discuss another way you could show me your appreciation.”

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These girls found out a boy was two-timing them both and teamed up to get revenge on their cheating boyfriend

They got him good.

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May

More people were caught shagging in public, this time in the Liverpool Uni Management School building

Sometimes the moment just takes you I guess.

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A Bristol student was banned from Eduroam for illegally downloading Chicken Run

And THEN they banned someone for illegally downloading Shrek. OH THE HUMANITY.

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Stormzy donated £9,000 to send an Oxford student to Harvard for her master's degree

It's not even up for discussion, Stormzy was the downright overall good guy of 2017.

This guy took his laptop to the club to submit his essay one minute before deadline

Some of us are born great and some of us have greatness thrust upon us. This guy has both.

When your assignment deadline is 11.59 but queue jump ends at 11.30.Credit: Danny Cotter and Lawrence Kemp

Posted by The Tab on Friday, May 12, 2017

A third year wrote their dissertation in 18 hours and still got a 2:1

Michaela claimed white wine was the key to success.

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Exam fuck-up season also got underway – remind me again what exactly we pay £9k for?!

Birmingham Economics finalists were given 'unanswerable' questions in their exam

Final year Warwick Historians were given two hours to sit an exam rather than three

And invigilators at Edinburgh interrupted a Geography exam FOUR times to inform them of mistakes in the paper

But at least this third year Sociology student got to write her whole dissertation on Beyoncé

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June

At UEA they managed to leak the information of every student that had extenuating circumstances

The confidential information was helpfully laid out in a spreadsheet detailing exactly who had what extenuating circumstances.

You told us your grossest stories of what you'd seen at Glastonbury

A lot of them involved faeces.

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July

Jeremy Corbyn told everyone to vote for Marcel to win Love Island

For the many, not the (Chris) Hughes.

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Paul Sinha went to ANOTHER student house party

"The Sinnerman" from The Chase was having it large in Manchester this time and was the last to leave at 4am.

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August

It was finally decided where exactly the North/South divide is, and it was all thanks to Greggs

It took hundreds of experts thousands of hours but the issue was finally put to bed.

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Two students from Leeds were in urgent need of blood donors after being involved in a car crash in Fiji

The appeal worked and both of them survived.

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Alex from Love Island did a meet and great in a Poundland

Yooooo! It was without doubt the can't-miss event of 2017.

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David Cameron was spotted at Wilderness Festival having a cig

I heard Cameron has a similar jacket with Corbyn's name in a love heart.

September

A man went on national TV to complain that his son wasn't allowed a sausage roll in his school lunch box

Instead his kid was "forced" to eat a "dry crisp sandwich". Jamie Oliver I hope you're sleeping soundly at night buddy.

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Bran Stark enrolled as a fresher at Birmingham Uni

Who needs to protect the realm from the White Walkers when there are VKs to strawpedo.

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Peppa Pig enrolled as a fresher at Cardiff Uni

Okay fine, it was the girl who voiced Peppa when she was younger.

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A hoity-toity artist type from London mocked some workmen in McDonald's and the internet rained down on her HARD

She said they looked like they only had one GCSE.

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The 'Golden Four' of fittest unis were discovered

If you're not from Leeds, Manchester, Newcastle or Bristol I've got some bad news for you.

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Toff from Made in Chelsea got savaged by a Bristol grad on Celebs Go Dating

This was before she went on I'm a Celeb, won it, outed herself as a massive Tory and everyone started hating her guts.

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October

Everyone in Newcastle came together in the city centre to sing Toto's Africa

The police threatened to arrest people but that didn't stop the rains down in Africa getting blessed.

Crowds singing Toto's Africa at Newcastle's Monument

Fact: If you start singing Toto's Africa, the people will come

Posted by The Tab Newcastle on Saturday, October 28, 2017

Jeremy Bentham's actual decomposing, severed head was put on display at UCL

Fit.

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A group of students in Manchester were forced to share their house with a squatter

The man refused to leave or pay rent.

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These freshers went one better than putting a chunder chart on their kitchen wall, creating an 'ambulance chart'

It documented how many times each of them were taken to A&E during first term.

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The sun went red and everyone thought the world was about to end

It was something to do with the Sahara desert right?

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Someone wrote a death threat on a wall of the York Uni library

The student said to the other people trying to study: "The next person to speak dies."

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Falmouth students wore jackets to a social with 'I love rape' and 'Fuck the Syrians' written on them

The Geology students were advised by the social secs not to wear the hi-vis jackets to their morning practical. Probably not a bad idea.

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A Birmingham student hosted a party at Greggs with free booze and pasties

Dreams can come true.

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Debbie Dumpling attended another house party and sat on a second year's face

Debs covered the birthday boy’s face with squirty cream, and later sat on his face whilst asking party-goers to chant "fish and chips, fish and chips".

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This guy wrote his entire PhD on threesomes

He interviewed thirty students who had had a threesome.

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November

A Leeds second year managed to convince herself that she was Madeleine McCann

I literally don't even know where to start with this one.

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The Manchester rugby freshers were made to apple bob with dead rats at initiations this year

They also had chilli powder rubbed on their genitals.

A Manchester fresher got engaged

They're planning to get married in eight months.

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An Agric fresher called Hugh set up a GoFundMe so he could get back on the sesh

Apparently he spent all of his money on pints!

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Durham was named the chicken nugget capital of the UK

Nottingham came 2nd and Loughborough came 3rd.

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Some creep on Bumble told a girl 'If you went to the gym I'd smash your back doors in'

Oh, and don't forget the guy on Tinder who said girls enjoy being raped.

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