You wish you were as cool as the Kent U18s club squad
There will never be a greater club photo
Like most people in suburban England, my childhood and subsequent teenage years were quite dull. More Inbetweeners than Skins, the majority of time was spent in or around cul-de-sacs trying to get with girls, talk about girls, or making crass jokes about said girls. It rarely involved getting with girls. It was a simpler time before memes and Donald Trump and everything bad that happened in 2016.
It was an almost too innocent experience. Memories of drinking in parks and shit festivals and trying to buy legal highs from a dodgy shop in town. In short, it was great.
What it was lacking however, was anything remotely interesting or out of the ordinary. It lacked a viral moment that I can look back on and say: “wow, I loved my teenage 15 minutes in the spotlight”. And this is true for millions of people growing up all over the UK. But it is not true for a select group of Kent teens, who found fame with their iconic, Key Stage 3 take on the UK club scene.
Despite being young and presumably inexperienced in the ways of Britain’s many hometown clubs, they have managed to nail stereotypes of those much older than themselves. The Hugo Boss tees, the Armani belts, the buttoned up polos, the looks of steely determination, these boys are not fucking about. Without stepping foot in a real club, without the freeing influence of Jägerbombs or tequila, these six heroes have managed to become the best clubbers in Britain.
These four photos hold up a mirror to us, and our depraved clubbing ways. What’s the point of going to shit clubs and posing for photographers when 13-year-olds can do a far better job? With no GCSES or A-levels, let alone degrees, these heroic Kent teens have taken clubbing to a place that no-one will ever best.
Imagine the feeling they’ll get when they walk into school the next day as meme legends. Champions of the playground, rulers of all they see. And because the internet never forgets, they’ll be held up as the best clubbers in Britain for years to come. Imagine being able to say in 20 years time that you were a meme for a day, that people all over the world admired the way you gelled your hair or posed with a devil may care attitude under the influence of absolutely no alcohol whatsoever.
Imagine having a childhood like that.