Where do all the fit boys hide in Newcastle?

No-one has ever met them

Have you ever wondered where all the fit boys live in Newcastle? Have you noticed that you'll be alone in the city minding your own business, when suddenly you'll be surrounded by a cloud of boys so beautiful you forget what business you were minding? Take Blanc, the Robbo, Jesmond Tesco and MSA as examples – where do they come from!? No-one appears to be friends with them and they never hang out at normal parties. Too many men, too many many (fit) men has never been more untrue in this barren wasteland of hotties. So, this is the guide to finding the elusive fit boys at Newcastle Uni.

Bar Blanc

How does one penetrate the inner circle?

How does one penetrate the inner circle?

At Blanc they arrive in posh puffa wearing packs. It is here you find the Rahs and the rugby lads. Seemingly they appear all drawn by pack mentality toward the £2 pints, even though everyone knows they have the money to pay full price. They sit together on the circular outside tables so none of us mere mortals could ever approach them and their glowing allures. They lounge near the road so that they can be seen in all their glory and enjoy the swooning girls that walk past.

Jesmond Tesco

Shopping in Tesco after a long day at library or just generally rocking your PJ's can be a stressful experience. Enter Tesco in Jesmond and suddenly you find yourself in an oasis of beauty. Whilst stocking up on essentials they float up the aisles toward you so you have no escape. Whilst you carry on with your shopping list and try not to focus on the aubergines in the veggie aisle, they carry on oblivious. We've decided these boys must appear from Sanderson or Larkspur, because surely only such fit boys can live on such phit streets.

The Robbo

Trying to find your lib BF on Bumble

Trying to find your lib BF on Bumble

This is the intellectual fit guy. Your library crush and soon to be lib boyfriend. These are the boys that you convince yourself you have meaningful gazes with across the fourth floor. But seriously, hun, don't kid yourself. Sadly the geek chic Robbo boys disappear like thin air in reality. Outside these walls they don't exist. You also have been drinking caffeine since 9am, so your library crush is probably a figment of your exasperated imagination.


Just forget Swingers because MSA's 'Off the Record' night is where the cool and edgy boys hang out. Adorned with a piercing and plaid shirt, these are the fit boys of any gals dreams. It's obviously hot and sweaty in MSA, but somehow these boys look as fresh as anything. Maybe you even had a cheeky dance with one of the cool boys that appear here and it was obviously the best night of your life. Come daylight, however, they sadly vanish like vampires.

Vodka is our only solace

Vodka is our only solace

Why are the fit boys in Newcastle so unattainable? We've decided they must all go to Northumbria. Fit boys please reveal yourselves.

Photo credit: Eleanor Weitzer – Off the Record

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