‘Did you actually attend the lectures’: Ranking Newcastle Uni lecturers’ brutal comments

The Russell Group is beginning to rustle my feathers x

Receiving feedback at university faces students with the highest of highs and lowest of lows – speaking from personal experience. Even the academically gifted amongst us are humbled at the best of times, there’s no such thing as academic validation these days. Whoever lied to me and said uni was easier, “You’re a liar, actress go the f*ck out.”

We asked Newcastle University students to share their worst comments and I must admit, I do feel better about myself x

1. ‘This is a rather frustrating essay’

Starting off with a bang. Some may disagree, but making a lecturer feel frustrated is quite liberating. The fact you’re able to invoke such passionate emotions from a lecturer is impressive.

Hopefully, a lesson was learned…

2. ‘This just isn’t a conclusion’

As a person who finds the conclusion the hardest part of any essay, I empathise heavily. On the bright side, you’d rather have a crap conclusion than an awful essay, right?

3. ‘No’

This did make me laugh. It’s short, clear and concise. I love how lecturers make absolute tits out of us paying 9k a year to receive such literate feedback! So helpful.

4. ‘I read this as a piece of PhD work, but you’re fundamentally wrong’

Isn’t the whole point of a PhD independent research? What do you mean babes x

This is yet another example of lecturers taking our money and dignity.

5. ‘This is a perfect example of what we don’t want’

I’d struggle to hold back the tears if I received this. It’s good to know that your improvements are to go the opposite way next time I suppose – struggling to make this better if you can’t already tell. Sorry x

6. ‘Under strengths he said there is not a strength in this essay’

Some tough troopers here I tell you. I honestly think the academic violations from the feedback warrant more students reaching out to wellbeing. Would it kill you to say good try 🙁

7. ‘This is a lazy and frankly stupid attempt at an essay’ – this was my first essay at uni

This statement as a whole would cause me to drop out. No signs of empathy right from the get-go. A learning experience I suppose?

8. ‘?’

What’s with all the mystery? It’s not Cluedo. I’m just as confused as you are babes x

Hopefully, feedback has improved since then, you know, with actual words…

9. ‘The presentation sounds monotonous’

As a girl who is frequently reminded of my monotone voice weekly, I deeply feel your pain. Uni presentations are no fun for anyone and I didn’t think the tone of voice mattered – clearly, it does. I guess I’ll have to start raising my intonation and sounding like a bellend so I don’t receive these same comments. Can’t wait.

10. ‘My spelling will harm me in my future career (I had DSSR for extreme dyslexia)’

For anyone who doesn’t know, DSSR stands for Disabled Student Support Recommendations. You’d think the lecturers being aware of this would give students more leniency, but evidently not. Nothing but cold to the bone, chilling even. I’d threaten to sue.

11. ‘You should have failed this essay (I received a 41)’

Do it if you’re bad x

Seriously though, what’s with the empty threats?

12. ‘Was told the title of my diss was too long and not specific enough – it was given to me”

Blind leading the blind it seems. Turns out you shouldn’t go to lecturers for help as they’ll just contradict one another so you’re forever confused. Live, laugh, love uni.

13. ‘Got told I don’t know how to read – I’m an English Lit student’

For once, I am speechless. I hope you’ve since recovered from this comment, hopefully, they know you can read now.

14. ‘Your literature review is a mixed grill of ideas tossed around without due attention to coherence and clarity’

I must say the mention of a mixed grill has made me hungry. However, this is a rather lengthy explanation of calling something shit, per se. At least you had a mix of ideas – potential I say!

15. ‘Have you considered taking a trip to the writing development centre’

Funnily enough, I haven’t. If you ever want me to take a dip in the River Tyne just ask.

This compiled list has shown how professors and university lecturers contribute to significant mental decline whilst at university. As my Mum would say, if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all x

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