UWE’s Maddest Fresher: the sixth nominee

Our second girl

With some pretty unexplainable debauchery described by our nominees so far, it’s easy to see that UWE is the loosest uni going. Our next nominee doesn’t fall short in the partying department, and it seems we could all learn a lesson in bad behaviour from her.



Neither have we

19 year old Cotswold Court resident Ellie studies Sports Rehabilitation, but we’re guessing she might need a different kind of rehab after all this partying.

She describes herself simply as a ‘psycho’, and her friends argue that she ‘always exceeds expectations’ and is a ‘crazy cunt’. Nice.

When asked why she deserves the ‘Maddest Fresher’ crown, she told the Tab: ‘Been banned from Pryzm for 3 months after being kicked out 3 times in a row; on the 3rd time I was “spiked” and fell down the stairs Pryzm had to call an ambulance and I was taken to the BRI, once being admitted I tried to run out of the hospital 3 times but on the third time was put in a headlock by a male nurse on the ward and according to my friend “punched him in the face” then handcuffed to my hospital bed with a security guard next to me. I had a hairline fracture in my elbow and was “released” that morning.’

A snap from the hospital

The theme of being ‘escorted out’ is something that runs through Ellie’s stories, with similar tales from other clubs: ‘I was also escorted out of Lola’s.’

‘Went to Pams for the first time before Xmas was escorted out with no friends and with only one shoe on and ended up walking barefoot from Pams to Blue Mountain with a complete stranger in a Batman mask, shout out to whoever that was I think they saved my life.’
Living on the edge.
‘Two days later had to have my foot x-rayed and I had broken the middle metatarsal… happy days.’
‘I had to be rescued from my flat by the security guards as I passed out after a ‘heavy sesh’ and left the hairdryer on and it caught fire, I was so fucked I didn’t even wake up to the fire alarm.’
‘The hairdryer incident happened the same night as the Pams night when I finally made it home.’
 The stories of being kicked out of clubs and having x-rays don’t stop there.
Ellie ‘went to SWX on a Friday night ended up completely smashed and thought it was a good idea to buy a £100 bottle of Belvedere all to myself, got kicked out the club started a fight and the police ended up being called and I was put in the back of a police car and taken to hospital where I had to have my hand x-rayed.’
Looks like we have a baller on our hands.

Steady on


anonymous injuries

Her proudest moment at UWE has been attending ‘two lectures a week out of 12’. £9000 well spent.

Ellie’s stories of debauchery went on, and we loved her encounter with a hen party: ‘Played pub golf for a friend’s birthday and had been drinking for 8 hours, last hole was Walkabout everyone was smashed and decided to go home but forgot about me charging my phone under a table and so when I came out everyone had left! As it was only 11pm i thought it would be a good idea to go down harbour side to bsb and order myself 4 jaegur [sic] bombs and then got taken in by a hen do who gave me pink fluffy ears and I followed them to Pryzm where I carried on partying and drinking on my one till 3am.’

A motherly hen

Ellie also sent us the occasional statement out of the blue, example of which are: ‘Loves a Blue Mountain sesh’, and ‘Sesh squad’. Thanks Ellie.

‘Loves a Blue Mountain sesh’

Remember, you can still nominate your friends by messaging our page here. Remember to give us a like.