The Eight most absurd things in OUSU Manifestos

That’s right, OUSU candidates actually have manifestos – we were as surprised as you. What’s more, the stuff that’s in them probably goes a long way to explain why, despite really really wanting to be taken seriously, most candidates (and indeed OUSU itself) simply aren’t.

Here are some of the more ridiculous things present in serious manifestos:

#1

There will be mug painting sessions in JCRs if Andrew Rogers wins, candidate for VP welfare.

And then after that, our mother will collect us and take us back home for our afternoon glass of milk and a cuddle.

Look, look! I painted this one using a brush!

#2

OUSU will go to over 3000 state-maintained schools and explain the realities of life at Oxford, promises Rob Collins, VP Access candidate.

Why stop there? Surely you aren’t being ambitious enough? Wikipedia says that there are 206 sovereign states, and each of them contains untold numbers of people who don’t know about Oxford.

#3

College food will become better if I am OUSU President, claims Alex Bartram, Presidential candidate.

If Alex does have the power to magically make food more delectable, could he pop by Arzoo’s to help out there first, before he focuses his abilities on colleges?

And for my next trick, I will stop the tide from making my feet wet.

#4

Independent school students get into Oxford because the admissions tutors have ‘relationships’ with the schools says James Blythe, Candidate for VP Access.

Not this one again. Please.

Ellie explained it so well here: we’ve had enough of being told how under-privileged state school students are, and surely you can do better than telling us that the tutors literally pick students because they recognise the schools.

You said their names were Rupert and Sebastian?

#5

College discipline should be ‘consensual’, and if Nathan Akehurst wins his presidential campaign, he’ll make it that way.

We’re not even too sure what this means. What we do know is that if a punishment needs to be consented to, it probably isn’t going to happen.

Could this have happened if the perpetrators’ consent was needed?

#6

Tutorials favour men over women, according to Trish Stephenson, candidate for VP Women.

Conversations favour men over women. You heard it from OUSU first, ladies and gentlemen.

Not now dear: the men are talking.

#7

OUSU should get a petting zoo to combat 5th Week blues. This is a real manifesto promise from Presidential candidate Jane Cahill.

No seriously – we aren’t making this up.

OUSU would be a lot more fun if they had a horde of these guys running around the building.

And finally, just because we couldn’t resist,

#8

Louis Trup’s manifesto photograph.

He must be really looking forward to Euro ’96.

This is unacceptable.