It’s time someone said it: Flares is the worst night out in Newcastle

We were all thinking it

Flares, one of the most ‘iconic’ nights out in Newcastle, but in my opinion, it’s overrated and has had it’s day and here’s why:

The Interior

Upon walking through the big old doors, one is met with a light up dance floor to the left of them, vintage. The you make your way over and see the stripper poles in the corner with a wall of mirrors. It’s different, while observing fellow clubbers, you can see almost every girl checking out her reflection as she jumps up and down to the cha cha slide. The ceiling is covered in disco balls, and the bar to the right with slot machines further along. Slot machines. Who even plays slot machines anymore? Especially on a night out in a club, the last thing that crosses my mind is: you know what would make this night out even better? A slot machine. NO.

It has the same playlist every night

Sweet Home Alabama and Take Me Home Country Road are bangers, but not something that you want to hear every night you go out. The Flares playlist is tedious to say the least, if I want to listen to the Backstreet Boys or S Club 7, I will in my own time thank you very much. And when I’m out, I would rather listen to something I can at least dance to from this century.

It’s full of agrics

They’re always too rowdy, they always take their tops off, they don’t always have the best rigs, they’re always strawpedoing a WKD or VK and tbh it’s something i’d rather not see.

No one likes VKs that much

And if they say they do, they’re lying. Flares and VK’s go together like Fish & Chips, but let’s be honest, they’re shite. VK’s and WKD’s are disgustingly sweet and full of sugar and I’d rather not become more prone to diabetes every time I go out. Trebs will do it for me every time, with their higher percentage and less calories. Vodka, lime, soda anyone?

Friday and Saturday you have to pay

They charge £3 on Fridays and Saturdays to reel in the profits from Stag & Hen do’s who come to the Toon looking for a great night out. However, it’s bad enough when it is a free night, let alone if you have to pay! No offence, but I’d rather spend my hard earned student loan on anything else, like cheesy chips or 12 Freddo’s. I can listen to outdated cheesy music for free and find a lamppost to straddle if I feel the urge, instead of the stripper pole in the corner. It just isn’t worth it.

It’s full of old men

I’m sure when I get to that age, I will still want to enjoy the odd night out on the toon, but when you’re the oldest there by 40+ years, and shaking your beer belly to Beyoncé, I’m not so sure I’d want to be surrounded by freshers with their tops off while I’m doing it. Find some people your own age.

I know I am definitely in the minority on this one, and will get a lot of hate for writing this article, but I’ve tried and tried to like it, but it just isn’t the place for me and I felt that it was about time someone came out and said it.

Newcastle University

The Tab Newcastle

last seen today at 02:41

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