Overheard on campus: Exam edition

Exam and dissertation season has gotten the best of us

The Robbo seems to have some concerns about the general functioning of the student population.

They’ve even put up signs to remind you to check you still have your smart card when leaving the library, so apparently enough people have been losing track of them between entering and trying to leave hours, or perhaps days, later.

Not forgetting the emphasis on “your” and “will” –  have people tried to leave with someone else’s smart card? Have they tried to bargain with librarians to let them out after losing theirs?

It’s understandable if you’re pulling all-nighters. Sleeplessness, stress-induced stupidity and general confusion do seem to be the reoccurring themes in what we’ve overheard the last few weeks. As well as us all developing an emotional bond with the university library.

Evidently, you’ve all been responding to the pressure in interesting ways.

‘The only thing getting me through revision is listening to true crime podcasts. Like, yeah, I think I’m gonna be murdered every time I walk back from the library but that’s just how it has to be right now.’

‘I don’t want to do work. Can you not just bundle me up inside you flannel shirt and take me with you. Like a baby.’

If only that would prevent the deadlines from coming.

Others seem to have attempted to avoid the stress by just not doing the work.

‘Do you think I can write 10,000 words in four days?’

‘Look, I haven’t started my dissertation and I don’t want to talk about it.’

‘I hate this, maybe I don’t want to graduate after all.’

Discussions of a wide variety of dissertation topics have also come up:

‘What’s your dissertation on?’

‘Lesbian vampires’

‘Oh, right yeah obviously’

After someone said their dissertation was on Beowulf:

‘Is Beowulf like Skyrim?’

‘I’m not being a dick, but you wouldn’t understand it and I’m not going to try.’

(Odds on this being said by a stem student).

‘It’s on this poem that I hate.’

General confusion tends to be the most prominent theme this season. We all know that feeling when it seems like you’ve put all possible brain power into your work and there’s none left for day to day life.

‘I got an email from Japan, like the whole country.’

‘I just realised this authors name backwards is toilet.’

Perhaps this confusion can account for the somewhat out of touch statements people have also heard:

‘Does your family have a suit of armour? Or like a crest?’

‘When you arrive at the hunt, they have your horse waiting for you.’

(Clearly a situation we’ve all been in).

This also seems to have resulted in, shall we say, a slightly less vigorous upkeep in food and hygiene standards among students.

Two people talking about their exam diet:

‘I’ve been to Greggs three times today just to buy sausage rolls.’

‘I’ve been only eating Maryland cookies and Tangfastics to get through the dissertation.’

‘I don’t have a colander. I’m a sad, sad man.’

Two people discussing the wonders of the Robbo:

‘I live in the Robbo now it’s like my home. I love when it gets to like 6pm and everyone else starts clearing out. My place now.’

‘Yeah, just spot-wash in the sink and never leave.’

Whatever stage of hand-ins you’re at, we hope you’re doing your best. Remember to take some time to briefly leave the Robbo for some fresh air and an occasional shower. If you’re feeling particularly adventurous maybe even cook a meal.  In all seriousness – good luck everyone on getting through this final stretch!

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