These are all the funniest things which have been overheard in Jesmond

Shocked, but not surprised


Jesmond – a student hub and town which is home to some of the biggest rahs in the country. Whether you're in Blanc and hear someone loudly telling their friends about the outrageous thing they did the night before, in Tesco where someone is dramatically displaying their utter disappointment that there are no bacon lardons left, or in Jesmond Dene where a rah is professing their love for that boy in tweed, there will always be something amusing or shocking to report back to your friends.

So we have decided to compile the funniest and most shocking things you guys have reported being overheard in Jesmond, here goes:

1. What's Brexit got to do with the UK?

2. Should we just crack open the rhubarb and ginger gin and have pres in the Robbo?

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3. I was gutted the other day because my Dad only sent me £2,000 but I normally get £2,500 a month

4. I dropped out of uni to start my own oil company

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5. That guy sitting outside Waitrose is beautiful… and he's even wearing a tweed jacket, this is amazing!!!

6. I've watched videos on how to move to Kuala Lumpur

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7. It didn't go well because she didn't have a heart

8. I'm really not feeling the cheeseboard to be honest girls

9. Hugo you've burnt the bloody camembert

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10. Can't believe that antipasti was reduced to 80p this is the best day ever

11. We went to Leazes for afters and drank red wine and listened to vinyls

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12. I know I feel rough when I can't even manage my Waitrose coffee

13. My dad was going to invest in Southampton Uni… but realised it was shit and bought another company instead

14. I once left The Cut early so I could go home and watch Made in Chelsea

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15. They don't sell tofu in here and it's really annoying, I keep meaning to email and complain because they sell it in Waitrose

16. Oops, I just used my Dad's Apple Pay instead of my own

17. Did someone water my basil plant?

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18. Get your hands off my sourdough

19. You can't fuck him because I want to fuck him

20. The WiFi in my house is so bad I have to wank in the Business School

21. There's far too much turmeric in my mango chia bowl

22. I'm hungry shall we head home and cook the partridge

For more outrageous comments, head to the "Overheard in Jesmond" highlight on our Instagram page – keep sending in your submissions too.