Newcastle slips in uni rankings

The last ranking of the year is in – and Newcastle has been revealed as the 29th best university in the country.

The Guardian’s 2015 University League Table, released yesterday, has placed Newcastle at a disappointing 29th place.

So we’ve managed to firmly cement ourselves as a mediocre uni for yet another year, slipping down the table from 27th the year before.

Northumbria: not feeling so smug about Stan Calvert now

But it’s not all bad news. We might be down two places from last year, but we’ve just about made the top 30 again after teetering on the edge for some time.

We’re down two places

And we might feel hard done-by after being beaten by non-Russell Group institutions such as Surrey and Lancaster – but we thrashed Northumbria.

The poly stormed to glory in Stan Calvert, but they came a lowly 60th in something that actually matters.

You might have the cup, but we’ve got the LADS and boys!

Predictably, Oxbridge topped the rankings, with our posh neighbours Durham making the top ten. But there’s even less hope of Doxbridge becoming a thing, as Dullham have dropped two places to eight, trawling behind Surrey and Bath.

Other high-fliers include St Andrews and Imperial, who have edged into the top five.

They don’t even like Alan Partridge down there

The table’s full of nasty surprises.  The University of East Anglia (UEA), often confused for Norwich Pontins, is ranked 14^{th –} a whole fifteen places above Newcastle.  This is despite The Guardian themselves calling UEA’s “good cycle paths throughout the campus” one of their best features.

Edinburgh, one of the top universities in the country and traditionally a haven for Oxbridge rejects, is ranked five places lower than its neighbour Heriot-Watt.  Edinburgh has had eighteen Nobel Laureates either teach or study at their university.  Four years ago Heriot-Watt Watt was overjoyed when a Nobel Physics Laureate visited their university. And they’ve managed to cement themselves a shocking sixteen places higher than us.

Perhaps our slowly deteriorating reputation is thanks to the weird weighting of ‘student satisfaction’ over graduate employment. Or perhaps were are just getting a bit shitter every year.