Carnage: murdering nights out across the country

car·nage
/ˈkärnij/

Noun
The killing of a large number of people.

Synonyms
massacre – slaughter – butchery – bloodshed – bloodbath

A night that promises to ‘probably be the best night of your life…’And in that ‘probably’ you ultimately know you’ve just wasted a tenner on a t-shirt that will later be ripped off you by some horny fresher.

Voted Best Student Night every year since 2004; an impressive credential until you clock that this has been awarded by Loaded, Nuts and Zoo. This sets a fairly strong precedent for what one can expect from a night of ‘Carnage’.

Carnage is by my understanding the only place on earth that it is accepted, and even encouraged, to exchange bodily fluids with someone prior to learning their name, let alone making eye contact. The term ‘face rape’ does not quite do justice to the actions of the thousands of students that don a carnage t-shirt and hit the town.

Admittedly it’s a night of disgraceful and shameful fun. I went to Carnage in my first year. The final straw however was the pulling tally charts building on everyone’s t-shirts. Snogging tallies. Are we 15 years old?

Apparently so!

Carnage encourages the best of us to become something we will ultimately despise: a messy drunk with a shoddy t-shirt covered in a load of phallic symbols.

And it seems the dicks wont just be restricted to your t-shirt! On the street shagging is just part of the over-sexualised acts that occur and help to shape the oh-so-classy night that Carnage is.

Then there are the girls who have apparently only just realised they are at uni. Their parents aren’t here and this, obviously, means that they can wear whatever they freaking want (if anything at all).

It wouldn’t be Carnage if there wasn’t one (or one hundred)  overly drunken girls passed out on the cobbled streets of Big Market.

And then there are the girls that take it that one step too far…

I guess a hospital bed would be slightly more comfortable than a concrete slab covered in tramp piss.

Finally, we all have that overly-emotional stage to our night, but after Carnage it’s more of a ‘ I cant believe I actually paid real life money for this shit moment’, rather than a simple tear or two that the best night of your life has come to an end.

The closing question I pose to myself is would I go again? Not even if I was threatened with the official Oxford Dictionary definition of carnage.