Champions League vs Valentine’s Day

Why the return of the knockout round is far more important than Valentine’s Day.

10 Reasons why the return of the Champions League is better than Valentine’s day and women.

  1. You have to worry about your girlfriend loving you back, I get to love my team without that concern.
  2. If your girlfriend does love you back, well done, you have another responsibility. If your football club loves you back you can do literally whatever you want and still be loved by the millions. Just ask John Terry and Ryan Giggs: do you really think they care that their wives got upset about a bit of pussy pounding?
  3. Your girlfriend wants you to take her on holiday. The right football club takes you to Europe season after season. Even the equivalent of a ginger whale takes you to Europe occasionally, just ask Liverpool fans.
  4. When your football team cheats they’re doing it for you. When your girlfriend cheats, she’s a whore.
  5. Your girlfriend might try and lure you away from the football with her tits. Let’s face it, Manchester United have better upfront assets than your bird.
  6. CR7 has a lower body fat percentage than a Victoria Secret’s model.
  7. You have to spend quality time with your girlfriend, pretending her hair looks nice even though it looks exactly the same. Stoppage time shits all over quality time; heroes and villains can be made.
  8. When you underperform, your girlfriend fakes an orgasm. When my club underperforms Gary Neville is there telling me what went wrong, and how it can be improved next time.

    Easily better than sex

  9. When you shout at your missus its verbal abuse. When I shout at my team its support.
  10. At the end of the day, your girlfriend is still the same slightly overweight bird from down the road she was last Valentine ’s Day. My club has a new shape, a sexy new kit, and a new Brazilian.

So if you’re wondering whether to have a few jars with the lads or worried about being hungover for “the big day”, hopefully we have taught you something here.