US ELECTION LIVEBLOG: Cambridge students react to end of the world

Brexit means Brexit. Harambe died for our sins. Toblerone bars have gone to shit. You’d think 2016 couldn’t get much worse, but lo and behold: America happened.

All disbelief at how America got themselves into this situation in the first place aside, The Tab is here to bring you live updates from students across Cambridge, including pictures, drinking games and the occasional (completely non-drunk impartial) political commentary.

Watching in your JCR? Partying it up at Cindies or the Union? Crying alone in your room? We want to hear from you: email [email protected] with your reactions, message the Facebook page, or comment on the article below. The Tab’s editors will be based in the Union all night – come and say hi.

04.40 This is not going to be decided anytime soon. We’ll pick the blog back up tomorrow with all the stunned reactions as people wake up and see the doom that has descended over the world.

04.05 The Union has shut so the large number of people who stayed up to wait out the apocalypse have been sent back to watch out the rest of the depressing-looking results from their rooms. While Hillary could potentially still win it, President (and Leader of the un-Free World) Trump is looking more and more likely.

Let us refer you to the drinking game we proposed earlier. Faith in humanity has been well and truly lost. Why, America, why?

03:43 The Union woke up to cheer as CNN calls Virginia – but we sense a bit of wishfulness in the massive cheer.

03:40 One college election party sent us their specially-made cookie, in support of Hillary. As the race heats up, it looks like she’ll need it.

03:35 The BBC News election coverage may have just an onscreen mistake, projecting Trump winning Virginia when Clinton clinched the state. Our anonymous American has said “This is fucking stressful”.

03:31 An anonymous American Cantab has told The Tab: “I am incredibly disappointed at the way things are going – I might have to stay in the UK for grad school… and life.”

03:25 With Ohio now decided for Trump, it’s worth noting a US election has not been won without the state since 1960. But before Florida is decided, which is incredibly close, with a 1% margin, the race is still on.

02:47 We keep being ominously updated by our News editor as Trump’s prospective poll predictions creep higher…

02:32 Quotes include ‘Fuck me’ ‘everything is going wrong’ and ‘help’. Things do not appear to be going well.

02:28 Incase you’re following our drinking game, here is another ridiculously racist tweet from a high profile Republican. Isn’t it brilliant that these people may run the most powerful country in the world???

02:23 There is expected to be an exodus of Cindies goers to the Union – difficulty broadcasting?

02:20 Everyone still waiting tensely on Florida. Can expect huge celebrations or outbursts of anger when it turns- currently has a Republican lead so things are not looking good…

02:09 Sitting in bed stalking the results is no better than being slightly drunk watching them. Both are horrible experiences, at least when you’re drunk you have collective sympathy.

01:59 A disgruntled English student moaned to us that the weather (for those of you toasty and warm inside the Union or JCR, its fucking freezing and pissing it down) is pathetic fallacy for a Trump Victory.

01:46 – Nigel Farage has appeared on the BBC’s broadcast of the election. Boos and threats to throw things at the screen (please don’t, it is a very expensive TV) from the whole of Christ’s JCR.

01:43 Panicked people in JCR’s saying ‘Trump is going to win’. Cause for concern.

01:40 Trump has a lead in Florida. Everything is going horribly wrong. However, Clinton still has a lead in Ohio.

01:38 Quote from a viewer ‘They’ve definitely doctored both of their faces on CNN. Trump looks like a water vole’

01:34 Shaking up the Fuck, Marry, Kill – this time with Obama, Bill Clinton and Ted Cruz. Most popular answers are Marry Obama (obviously) Kill Ted (we were hoping for Kill Bill for the sake of puns) and Fuck Clinton.

01.30 First answer in: Fuck Hillary, Kill Trump, Marry Bernie. The reasoning? Because Hillary is hot and Bernie is the sort of guy that would come home after you’ve had a hard day and bring you a pizza.

01.28 We’re all a bit confused about what’s going on so we’re asking the important question: Fuck Marry Kill – Trump, Clinton and Bernie Sanders. Thoughts?

01.15 Using the American flag to distract ourselves from the fact that the (still-being-counted) Florida is now showing Trump in the lead.

01.11 WE GOT AN AMERICAN FLAG. Goal #1 of the night achieved

01.06 After a whole lot of states were called, there’s been a brief lull in the voting. Someone told us earlier this evening, “There aren’t many times when I feel like the dignity of western civilization is at stake,” but people seem to be planning to leave in a few hours. Tell us whether you think the impending apocalypse is worth losing a few hours of sleep over:

01.00 Unlike the union, Girton JCR is dispassionate about the Florida stats.

00.58 A fair few (fantastic) costumes here tonight.

00.57 Trump supporter: “Electing Donald is the only way we can shake up America’s broken political system which is no longer fit for purpose.”

BOOOOOO (no prizes for guessing which side we’re endorsing here)

00.54 The nice thing about a onesie is that it’s only one garment to take off when you want to hide the shame.

00.51 Union erupts in screams of delight as CNN show Clinton ahead in Florida.

00.50 Wifi at the Union is taking a stand against the popular opinion of the masses crammed in this room and supporting Trump

00.46 Interviews Editor James Hamilton has brought us Haribo. It’s almost as good as alcohol.

00.44 Unsurprisingly, Katie Hopkins has her stash out. We at The Tab have a well known view on stash (or at least, our Fashion Columnist does)

00.35 2015 Tab #3 BNOC nearly got stopped from coming into the union because they were at “full capacity”. His response?

“Bitch, I am full capacity.”

00.30  Union erupts into boos and screams of anger as CNN predicts Trump will carry West Virginia (former Union President says “it’s not the important one, you’re all such newbies, were you even politically conscious for the last election?”)

00.20 Halloween may have been last week, but the true nightmare (Trump) is starting tonight

00.16 With the first (fucking depressing) results in, it seemed an appropriate time to share our ELECTION NIGHT DRINKING GAME. Strong spirits are advised. If you have suggestions for things to add, let us know.

1. Finish your drink every time a traditionally red state goes blue
2. Finish your drink whenever a swing state is won
3. Drink every time someone mentions Florida, Nevada, Ohio or Pennsylvania
4. 4 shots of bleach if Trump wins
5. Drink for any mention of the latino vote or black vote
6. Drink until the electoral college system makes sense
7. Ooh drink every time a high-profile Republican is racist on twitter
8. Drink every time you feel bad for Melania
9. Drink any mention of Anthony Weiner – the most aptly named politician in history
10. Down a pint of real ale whenever Brexit is mentioned
11. Keg stand when Florida is decided (as it’s basically deciding the election)
12. Drink every time the emails are mentioned
13. A shot every time trump makes the ? gesture with his hands
14. Drink for misogyny (don’t do this, it’s important to have at least one moment tonight where you’re not drinking)
15. 2 shots every time an interactive map is used – or extra good graphics that someone clearly spent a lot of time on
16. Down 2 drinks if Gary Johnson wins a state
17. Smoke a joint if the Jill Stein takes one (don’t, that’s not legal)
18. Shot every time you miss Obama
19. Shot every time Michelle inspires you
20. Shot when Trump loses and claims the system is rigged
21. Chug (the tears of the founding fathers) the whole way through Trump’s twitter meltdown
22. Drink when Trump looks like he’s smelt a fart
23. Drink when Someone mentions “Crooked Hillary”
24. Shot when you lose faith in humanity

00:12 The atmosphere is filled with energy at the Cambridge Union. The chamber and bar are packed with students watching the results come in. Clinton has 3 electoral college votes to Trump’s 19.

00:05 Union President Asia is being interviewed by the New York Times. The Cambridge Union is the sole UK location to be featured on the New York Times’s live Facebook coverage.

23:54 To everyone at the Union – if you bring us alcohol you’ll win serious BNOC brownie points. We’re sat in the corner of the gallery. Follow the scent of ego and bad choices.

23:42 Joseph reporting from Christ’s JCR says that students are so calm they’re even reading and taking notes on the floor. Even the potential apocalypse can’t stop Cambridge students caring about their essays.

23:25 In spirit of the Union being a charity, we thought we’d do our bit too. You’re welcome for the shoutout! #MakeVarsityGreatAgain

23:19 Michaelmas Union President Asia Lambert spotted sporting Trump’s red. Drink every time a Union President is mentioned.

23:06 Ex-Union hack Matteo: “I’m with Jay-Z – whichever side Jay-Z and Beyonce are on, I’m with them.”

23:00 Listening to Cambridge students flaunting their faux-political-commentary is as about as insufferable as you might expect. Peering onto the sheer volume of attempted chirpses from the Union gallery is much more fun.

22:50 Four more years? No? Please?

22:18 Tab Editor-in-Chief Oliver Yeates has arrived at the Union to begin proper coverage of the night. There are Union Presidents, balloons, terror and funky BBC graphics galore.

22:13 The Tab’s fashion columnist Meg Honigmann has whipped out her trusty american boots.

21:17 Two English students and a Union President has-been try their hands at naming all 50 states.

20.59 If you’re too traumatized by the news and need a safe space, we’ve also got that covered. Alternatives to the Election coverage includes watching the Teletubbies, blasting Hamilton at full volume (to remind yourself that there was a time when America was *great*) and watching the soothing, soothing sight of San Fransisco’s red pandas.

20.56 Some incredible Cantabs have put together a song, reminding everyone just how bad Trump is (we know, it’s hard to forget that he’s terrible, but easy to forget that he’s a destroy-all-life-on-earth level of terrible). The writer, Jonathan Emery, told us he “wanted people to feel as uncomfortable as they should about Donald Trump saying he would commit war crimes.”

Click here to ensure that the sound that is stuck in your head tonight – and thus the soundtrack to the end of the world – is both catchy and terrifying.

20.53 If you’re wondering where best to watch the end of the world, never fear! Michaelmas Columnist Molly has provided a handy list of places where you can both drink and cry your way through the inevitable drama this evening. Suggestions include Life, Cindies, the Union and hiding from the world in the comfort of your bed.