Here come the Islanders! Oh wait, it’s the candidates of The Apprentice 2018
I’m getting more ‘I’ve got a text’ than ‘you’re hired’
Get ready to spend your Wednesday evenings watching a bunch of morons carrying out menial marketing tasks in order to impress Sir Alan Sugar. In the past we've been graced with the likes of Pants Man and Katie Hopkins – but this year, they've got fit.
It seems like the producers are cashing in on some of the popularity of Love Island, as they've cast wannabe entrepreneurs who definitely look more suited for villa life than 9-5 business meetings. I mean, one of them just got back from Ibiza and another owns a swimwear brand. A lot of them are fresh from uni.
Here are The Apprentice 2018 candidates:
Sarah is 29 and from Manchester, and she owns an acting academy. If there's one thing that's for sure, she is definitely too glamorous for the boardroom.
She looks like she spends a lot of time eating out and going for drinks in Manchester – not coffee meetings at 9am and doing your makeup on the train.
She's a mum of one – she has a daughter called Sadie who she posts a lot of photos of on her social media.
She already has 2k followers on Instagram, which might be because she's not exactly new to the TV world.
Yep you guessed it, she's been on TV before. And not just a brief cameo appearance as an extra in EastEnders, she was in Shameless for a year and did some topless scenes.
She was in the show between 2008 and 2009 before leaving to start her own business – which is a bit more like it.
She says: “I am me, I don’t have a posh accent or pretend to be anyone else. My personality sells me, my passion to succeed and work ethic.”
Now this guy actually compares himself to the main character in The Wolf of Wall Street – when really he's just a 28-year-old from London who set up his own lifestyle brand.
He sells "revival shots" which is a hydration product.
Their website says: "Having attended many festivals, been on numerous holidays and spent years in uni we understand the need to not only seize the night but to be at your best in the morning. So whether you have to go to work the next day, hit the books or do it all again we have the perfect product for you!"
And it's been promoted on Instagram by the Love Island cast among others, of course.
He's been to Ibiza, Vegas, Dubai, Gili and Machu Picchu recently – might be time to trade your flip flops in for something more sturdy, Daniel.
He says: “I have the beauty and the brains, typically people only have one. I was blessed with both in abundance.”
Sabrina is 22, from Middlesex and owns a tennis events company.
She set up a business selling retro sweets as part of a Young Enterprise Scheme when she was only 14.
She says: “I am a mix of Willy Wonka drinking an espresso martini… classy and sophisticated on the outside – inside, a little bit crazy and wacky but full of brilliant ideas.”
On Instagram she calls herself "The Wacky One" from The Apprentice and posts photos of her with a "The Boss" mug – we'll be the judge of that one.
She also posts a lot of photos of her on nights out and is a fan of a #weekendvibes post.
Camilla is 22, from Lancashire and owns a nut milk brand.
She's apparently a bit of an adrenaline junkie and says she isn't a "vanilla Camilla".
Her Instagram bio describes her as a "thoroughbred hu$tler💸" which tbh, I'm not sure Sir Alan will understand.
She's went round Bali, Thailand and South East Asia last summer and is clearly into her health as she posts regular gym pics and foodie pics.
She has an entire Instagram highlight dedicated to goats, which is cool.
If you think a 32-year-old tax advisor from East Yorkshire sounds boring then you have clearly never met David.
He says he's a positive person and his friends compare him to the Duracell bunny.
However he doesn't have Instagram so yeah, he might be a bit boring who knows.
He's the one at the back on the right in the burgundy suit – in case you were wondering.
Next up, meet Frank – a so called "trendsetter" from London.
He's 27 and a senior marketing manager.
He says he's brutal and not afraid to play people off against each other in order to get what he wants. He basically sounds a bit like Georgia from Love Island lying about the kiss to Laura to try and get Jack.
His insta describes him as a "pokémon trainer" – very professional.
He has insta highlights for Ibiza, his gym progress and summer – so he's pretty certified Love Island.
Jackie is a 34-year-old sponsorship consultant from London. She also had a book published in 2017.
She says: “I'm not intimidated by anybody, or anything.”
She has a bookings email listed on her insta, so she's obviously pretty top dog already.
She basically just posts photos of her travelling, of wine and of food – I think I might be a bit jealous of her life??
She went to Burning Man festival too, did she meet Paul Knopps there?? Is she the reason that him and Laura split up???
Jasmine is 34 and from the West Midlands. She's a learning and development manager who says she is stubborn – but her charm and charisma should help her through the process.
She says: “All is fair in love and war. And business is war.”
She's another contestant that doesn't appear to have an Instagram account – which is sad for all of us that wanted a nose.
This guy is a 26-year-old professional speaker from Cheshire. He does talks to young people all over the country.
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🙅🏾♂️ Wakanda forev- nah I’m joking lol big congratulations to my boy @_fitnessfixer and @jamakinhoney on their wedding day today 💍🎊 Was a nice event, look after each other and have many more good years to come! 🙌💯 Ps feeling the swag? 👀😎 check out @dashikiuk doing their ting
He says: “I’m not here to razzle dazzle and hit you with buzzwords like ‘I’m so motivated, passionate' – anyone can say those things and I’m not anyone, I’m Kayode Damali. If you’re not your own biggest fan, who do you expect to be it for you?” Strong words.
He calls himself KoD and visits Tobago a lot – which he calls the "land of KoD".
Khadija has run her own eco cleaning company for three years.
The 28-year-old from Lincolnshire says her friends describe her as being: quick-witted, motivational and genuinely wanting to help others – but she can have a bit of a hot head.
She says: “Whatever I say I’m going to make happen happens. I’m a serious Mumpreneur who doesn’t have time for timewasters and idiocy.”
Her insta says she is building a "badass" empire.
Kurran is a 22-year-old Law grad from London.
He says: “I’ll be honest, I don’t eat, sleep, breathe business but I do eat, sleep and breathe success.”
His insta looks like he's embracing grad life as he's pictured living it up around London, in Italy, at Tomorrowland and Eastern Electrics.
Okay, this guy isn't very Love Island – he is very boardroom.
He's 33 and works as a quality controller in Lancashire.
He says he is confident and assertive and "won't pussyfoot and waste time, as time is of the essence in everything. People will have to like it or lump it.”
However, a sort of cool dad kind of way, he does have an Instagram – and he posts lots of pictures of him and his son, who he calls "the boy" – they're really cute.
Alex is the youngest of them all – at 21. He's an IT analyst from The Wirral.
Fun fact: His granddad invented the ‘Finn Chocolate Coater’ – a machine mould to coat chocolate bars and biscuits.
He says: “I know everything. Call me ‘Google’…it's my middle name.”
Sorry girls, he posts a lot of pictures of his girlfriend on Insta.
Sarah Ann Magson
Sarah is 37 and from Teeside. She's a solicitor – so is clearly the Rosie of the group, but will she be as sassy?
She's also run her own nursery furniture business since 2016.
She says: “I am used to laying down the law in the courtroom, but now I’m going to lay down the law in the boardroom.”
Sian owns a swimwear brand – and in short her life looks amazing.
She's 25, from Leeds and seems to go out and have fun literally all the time.
She's definitely the girl you'd meet in the toilets in a club and she'd lend you her lipstick.
She says: “I bring both the passion and the fire – in the boardroom, I will be merciless.”
And if you think she looks a bit like Kaz – then that's weird because they're friends!! I'm not making this up.
28-year-old Tom is from Southampton and runs a tree surgery company.
He says loyalty is one of his top traits – so he'd get on with Georgia so well, babe.
He has his own website which on the homepage has a huge a picture of him and “They call us dreamers…but we're the ones who don't sleep” written across it which is, nice.
He pouts a lot on Insta, and looks a lot like the everyboy you met in Freshers'.
I wonder who will be the first to couple up!!