So long Legends

Gutted students mourn the loss of Legends.

The water levels of the Tyne rise three centimetres today as tears flow through the streets of Newcastle. The speculation is true: Legends has gone.


A sorry sight.

Alpha Newcastle took to Facebook earlier today to confirm the sad news: “Unfortunately the rumors are true, today we found out Legends has been sold.”

Uni-x co-owner and manager of Fraternity Wednesdays Sal Sinawi said on Facebook earlier: “Legends Closing, Near sub zero degrees in Newcastle and Starbucks Jesmond have run out of Pain au Chocolat. The End is Nigh!!!!!”


Scenes resembling the economy crisis of 2007 can be seen on the cowfields and on the corner of Tesco’s jesmond as promoters use wristbands to mop up their tears.

Seriously though, we’ve all lost a shoe or 5 on the sticky floor in Legends, been caught on Pull Cam, screamed One More Tune so loudly that we lose the ability for speech for a minumum of three days, and generally just had a sweet ass time, covered in VK, wiggling around drunkenly to Dancing in the Moonlight.


Student Jake Usman also took to Facebook: “I f*cking love Legends! How much would it cost to buy? Let’s all chip in and buy it back! #FinalBlackOut #WheresTheAlternativeMusicGone.”

One student told The Tab: “I’m just sad because I left half of my dignity in there and now I’m not sure I can go and collect it.”

Rumours are rife of what will take Legends’ place, such as Jamie Oliver’s Restaurant or Harry’s Bar and Grill – a hygienic restaurant option to say the least – or maybe even a hotel.

  • Jamie Oliver

    It’s not going to be a fucking Jamie Oliver restaurant you absolute retards.

  • Jamie Oliver

    Or is it…

  • Jamie Oliver

    It is, it definitely is (a good idea)

  • Rob Clarkson

    Good Riddance. Now Stage One is set to rule the world

  • James McIlvenna

    Shit club, shit nights. Glad its gone

  • John Roberts

    Uni-X Co-owner, surely everyone knows I sold my share!
    Apparently the cheque is in the post………..
    I fear that story is as tall as I wish I could be, still waiting for my housing deposit to be returned.

  • Anon

    Tuptup tuptup all the way Thursdays the best dayyy

  • anon

    On cowfield. Yes that is right for the whole two times the freshers’ have been to legends to see off a fucking vk with a napkin, Bunch of wank stains. Legends was a wednesday night thing. Where you broke your nose for the first time, bottled a midget or fingered your mates sister (up for the weekend)! My fifth legends night/ or first i rode the dragons home! #Viciousf**kingUNAY

  • Mr M Charlton

    I bought it to store my ego

  • Alex

    Finally, Legends blew

Heard something newsworthy?

, Contributing Editor

Getting wasted with Kanye West fans in Notting Hill

To celebrate the release of The Life of Pablo

Liverpool Smithdown house parties are hell on earth

Do you even know the weirdos you’re letting in your house?

, Chief Reporter

Craig David’s Valentine’s playlist is a banger

He picked out his favourite ‘heartbreak’ tunes

Kingsland shopping centre is like a brilliant parallel universe

I can’t even find a recent photograph of it

, Chief Reporter

There’s a new app that works out what kind of dog you are

It uses artificial intelligence