Review: Festive TV Highlights

Sitting in on a Wednesday night with that empty feeling that accompanies your lack of a sweaty evening in Cindies? Or are you just staring a pile of books and occasionally sighing and glancing wistfully out of the window?

Well I am here to provide you with a remedy: a review of the best Christmas television (disclaimer: this definitely will not get those essays written and may socially alienate you). ‘Why don’t I just look at the Radio Times?’ I hear you cry. Because you’re here now. Tough shit.

The eve of Christmas Eve

True Blood-C4 10pm

If you haven’t managed to catch this yet you’ve missed out. Imagine Twilight. Take a second. Girly, glittering men occupying your mind? Not jizzing your pants? Well True Blood is Twilight’s Naughty little sister. Add a bit (sorry, I mean a lot) of sex, darkness and plot to the vampires and you get this refreshing HBO series. Climatic series finale airing on the 23rd: not to be missed, unless you stream it, in which case go ahead, miss it.

Christmas Eve

QI – BBC1, 10pm

QI is always worthy of procrastination. It allows us to wallow in the fact that we don’t know everything: just in case Cambridge wasn’t doing enough of that already. In this episode David Tennant joins the QI panel. Enough of the promotion already Mr Tennant! We get the point: Doctor Who is coming…

Christmas Day

Doctor Who – BBC1, 6pm

Annoyingly hyped: yes. Yet come Christmas day we’ll all be glued to the television. Don’t pretend you don’t love the giant killer robots, aliens and evil masterminds. Doctor Who is simultaneously dorky and mainstream. You’re at Cambridge: slightly nerdy and desperate for acceptance. Just embrace it. And another episode on New Year's Day, what more could you possibly ask for?

The Queen’s Speech – BBC1, 3pm

A real treat if the Queen gives you little tingles down there (there are some weird fetishes out there). Take this opportunity to reminisce about the fun-filled day you got a glimpse of her in Cambridge. Mince pie in one hand, quite a lot of booze in the other. Best ten minutes of the year, right?

Boxing Day

Hamlet – BBC2, 5.05pm

Captain Prichard + The Doctor + Shakespeare. What could possibly go wrong? Captain Prichard, I am assured, was a Shakespearean actor long before he boldly went where no man has gone before. Some have even suggested that David Tennant is more than a screwdriver-wielding alien. So potentially a strong cast: certainly an entertaining one. Ultimately, this Hamlet adaptation is worth watching for the plot turning point when the aliens invade and the crew of the Starship Enterprise beam down to rescue Hamlet. You heard it here first.

Hopefully that will keep you away from daylight and your family and give you some procrastination ideas for the holiday. Alternatively you could just resort to writing obscure articles about Christmas TV for The Tab, whatever.