A definitive ranking of Cambridge stash from ugly to just about wearable

Stash. It’s an integral and (let’s face it) cringe part of Cambridge culture. A walk to your department isn’t complete without seeing a mass of college crests, blurring together into a sea of pretentiousness. Can you call yourself a Cambridge student if you don’t own a college puffer? If you’re looking to blow your student loan on looking like a cult member, here is a definitive list of the stash items you should and absolutely should NOT add to your wardrobe:

 10. Cufflinks

If I caught anyone proudly wearing these, I’d run. It’s not 1882 anymore, there is no reason to be wearing cufflinks, let alone Cambridge-branded ones. If you’re so deep in your Union Hacking era that you’re resorting to buying cufflinks, it’s time to start considering how much you let going to Cambridge dictate your personality. Don’t even get me started on college-specific cufflinks.

9. Bow Tie

Bow ties in general are quite embarrassing but a Cambridge-specific one is a fashion crime. I debated whether it could give off Matt Smith as the 11th Doctor vibes, but if we’re being realistic it’s giving more Tory MP than 945-year-old Time Lord.

8. Scarf

As much as you may try to convince yourself, you’re not in Harry Potter. That letter isn’t coming. Buying a college scarf isn’t going to fill that void. Just wear a normal one, please.

Fashion fail (Image Credits: April O’Neill)

7. Cambridge Quarter Zip

You’ve left your family estate in Hampshire but not that private school aesthetic. This isn’t necessarily a bad clothing item, but if we’re thinking about the impression you want to give off, you might want to give this a miss. However, if Charles from Surrey is reading this: go for it! You will look very dapper my chum x

6. Cambridge Hoodie

We’re verging on grey territory here. I will fess up: I do own one of these. Ready and willing to collect my shame, but I feel like this is a harmless piece of stash. It’s a staple for all uni students, not just Cambridge, so I see it as less cringy and more socially acceptable. That being said, wearing it in public around Cambridge is probably excessive. We all go here, you’re not special.

5. Tote Bag

Tote bags have cemented themselves as part of the student aesthetic and I feel like a Cambridge-specific one is pretty inoffensive. It may be subject to the same crimes as the hoodie – you don’t need to parade that you go here, genius – but it’s less in your face. A practical item of stash that doesn’t emit any especially negative vibes. You’ll be safe going for this one.

Sidge girlie x (Image Credits: April O’Neill)

4. Cambridge Sweatshirt

This can look quite nice on and it’s a comfortable piece of loungewear. The college crests are small and hidden to the side so you’re not blatantly parading that you go to Cambridge and they come in a range of cute colours. A valid choice.

3. Cambridge Blues

Let’s be real: this is a flex and you know it. People who actively wear their Blues in public are purely doing so to tell you that they’re a big deal. But hey, you earned it so I’m going to give you the credit you deserve. Although, if I catch one more person in the club wearing their Blue’s Blazer, this will be automatically relegated to last place. Don’t push it.

“Sorry, can’t make it I have training” (Image Credits: April O’Neill)

2. Shorts

Okay, hear me out. I was very much anti-college embroidered shorts until my friend received a pair and they are actually a serve. Yes, they’re ridiculous, but they look good on. Perfect for loungewear and quite flattering, don’t knock the college shorts until you try them.

1. College Puffer

Iconic. It is a universal staple for the Cambridge community and, honestly, if you’re one of those people who think they’re edgy because they don’t own a puffer – learn to have some fun. Do they make us look like we’re in a cult? Yes, but they’re super comfortable, waterproof, and helpfully subtle – you can see if someone is a student and what college they go to without it being blatantly shoved in your face. Getting your puffer is an exciting part of coming to Cambridge and it has become a cute, communal item. Only positive and normal vibes are being given off by the puffer.

Just remember that wearing any stash outside of Cambridge is unforgivable, let’s not be desperate x

Feature Image Credits: Maya Gould

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