The best and worst places to cry in the Toon

Are you really a student if you don’t make time for a daily cry sesh?

One thing pre-uni guides don’t prepare you for is how much crying you will actually do as a student. You have a 2,000-word essay due tomorrow that you forgot about? Time to cry. The bouncers won’t let you into Flares because you’re too drunk? Get the tissues out. You just hate how your housemates always leave their dirty plates for you to wash up? Your eyes aren’t dry. Wherever your preferred crying place may be, we’re about to expose you.

Jesmond Dene

You’re definitely vegan or vegetarian, and can always be found on your daily walk around the Dene and upload a picture of the waterfall captioned “lockdown walks” to your story at least once a week. As soon as the weather hits ten degrees, you’ll grab a couple of tinnies and sunbathe on the grass pretending it’s Costa Del Jes.

You’re either crying because it rained and ruined your lockdown walk aesthetic and you end up trailing mud back through your uni house, or you just needed an escape from your housemates after they’ve eaten your food – the Dene has got your back either way.

Grey’s Club

Grey’s Club is like your second home – pre-COVID you were there for Oops, Swingers and Block Party every week without fail and missing out on these nights is a big no-no. Grey’s is definitely your happy place and you will only cry for one of two reasons: they’ve either run out of VKs, or the music has stopped and before you know it you’re forced back out into the cold night.

You also definitely live in Jesmond and own a puffer jacket that follows you everywhere including Grey’s, where you’ll be found cigarette-in-hand every five minutes despite telling everyone you “don’t normally smoke… only socially”. Don’t worry we all believe you – I promise.

Toon Takeaway

Toon Takeaway was an absolute staple after a night out and if you end up crying in there, you’ve definitely just been kicked out of Soho. Too many trebs? Bumped into a one night stand? Or you just love your friends so much that the very thought of graduating is making you emotional?

Although, crying in public, where you’re bound to bump into that coursemate you sort of know or that person you deffo fancy, awkwardly making eye contact with tears streaming down your face, is not the one. At least a slice of pizza could cheer you up?

The Robbo or Marj

Only the most dedicated of students cry in the Robbo or the Marj and if this isn’t you at 4am the morning before an assignment is due, you haven’t done uni right. With the Robbo not being open 24 hours at the moment, it’s definitely awkward to cry over a bad module grade in the basement, where your muffled tears seem to echo off the walls.

If this is you, you definitely take uni seriously and the library is basically your second home, which is why it feels strangely comforting to cry here.


We all know why you’re crying – it’s obviously because you live in Heaton. You’re either a poly or decided to do a last-minute panic masters and there were no houses in Jesmond left… there’s no in-between. By now, you’ve definitely convinced your coursemates that Heaton is way better than Jesmond, even though you are probably regretting your life decisions.

You are definitely someone who can take it on the chin and is able to have a good time no matter what. Once the pubs are open you’re guaranteed to spend every night in Jes – but at least Heaton has good takeaways?

McDonald’s on Northumberland Street

If you are a regular at this McDonald’s, you definitely loved a night out in the Toon and always overestimated the quickness of “fast food”. You could be stood in the queue for 20 mins or even two hours – time does not exist here, only the screams of about 100 drunk people all eagerly anticipating their number to be called so you can run to your taxi with your 99p chicken mayo and chips while telling the taxi driver you “won’t eat in the taxi”, you “promise”.

If you’re crying here, you are definitely mega confident and would even be heard proudly telling your coursemates that you cried in Maccies last night because they ran out of McFlurries, but who can blame you?

Whichever category you fall into, welcome to the club.

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