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Every person you are likely to meet at Jesmond pres

You think you’re a DJ because you went to WHQ that one time

No matter which house, Osborne Road, Sanderson Road, Manorhouse Road– the pre's will always be the same and there are distinct types of people you are bound to meet at any Jesmond pre-drinks.

The Smackhead

This person will likely be sitting on a couch all night because they are absolutely off their faces. They 100 per cent will not be making it out despite claiming this time, they definitely will. They have other uses for their bank notes and credit cards anyway – and it doesn't involve spending them.

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The Rah

This person will definitely be a Southerner and they're probably super loaded (but their dress sense will make you think otherwise). Their huge puffa coat certainly looks out of place, but at least they will stay warm. This person will also probably never shut up and their voice will definitely make you want to leave ASAP.

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The one who would rather be in bed

There is always that one person who annoys every single one of their friends. No matter what night out, no matter how long it has been planned for, they will definitely moan about going. They are never not tired. It would actually be easier for the rest of the pres if they stopped going out and then the constant reassurance of "it will be fine when you're drunk" can finally come to an end.

The DJ (who really is not a DJ)

They will never ever fail to bring their DJ decks. They will probably arrive after the pre's has started so as to make an even bigger entrance. They will then set up their decks and blast out some techno, the exact same beat for hours, hours and hours. No one has ever said anything to this person because we really want them to feel needed, but a Spotify playlist is probably easier.

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The couple

They'll arrive hand in hand with only four cans between them. They only talk to each other and sit in the corner of the room stroking each other's faces. They'll somehow get far too drunk and end up telling everyone how much they love each other and inevitably end up basically shagging on the sofa.

The Gap Yah student

"You know, you really should travel to find yourself", they will say when they're absolutely smashed off their faces like the rest of us. Maybe they will start racking off some foreign words they learnt along the way, maybe they will list off all the countries they have ever been to, maybe they will even throw it into a never have I ever. Who knows? Who cares?

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The Never Have I ever King / Queen

This person will always suggest Never Have I Ever. We get it, they have probably had sex with the most people, maybe even got an STI, but it just is not funny anymore because everyone has heard it a million times before. This person likes to show off about their "body count" and they really fail to realise that this time no bodies are listening.

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The nine am

"I have a nine am tomorrow", you will hear from this person absolutely all night long. This person will not fail to tell this fact to every single person at the pres – despite probably knowing they will not make it in anyway. This carries on throughout the night, and as if the rest of us cannot count they will not fail to remind us "I have uni in three hours."