Why Castle Leazes will always be better than Ricky Road

Haters gonna hate

Leazes will rule until the cows come home.

Towering above, Castle Leazes will always look down on their cheaper neighbours of Richardson Road. You feel a passive aggression, a silent tension, when you pass a Roader walking into town. Here at the Castle, we party hard, five days a week – pre drinks and after parties being shut down here and there. Of course I’m not denying that the parties don’t stop across the field either – but it’s that better quality of life that we relish at Leazes.

It’s the difference between a Domino’s and a Hungry House pizza – neither quite Pizza Express, (those people splashing it out at The View) but pizzas that do produce a sufficient amount of pleasure.

Here’s why Leazes is better than Ricky:

The aesthetic is marginally better

Sure, both buildings struggle aesthetically. But at least Leazes has square windows. We enjoy the luxury of walls, rather than just bricks painted over in Dulux creamy white. I doubted I would ever be at a point in my life where I wouldn’t be able to take walls for granted, until I visited Ricky Road, where the creative architect thought to jazz it up with triangle shaped windows. Ah, the luxury of not living in just the foundations of a building.

That bit of luxury in Leazes

Our view’s pretty shit but at least we have one

The beauty of having an eighth floor bedroom in Leazes means you have 360 degree views of glorious Spital Tongues and the beautiful park. What’s more, you know which club to go to without leaving your room, by spotting the colourful flyers and wristbands littered across the park. Speaking of nights, Tup Tup really is our playground and Swingers we dominate too, whilst Ricky sweat it out in dingy Cosmic.

The cows will love it

We have free food

Food glorious food – two tasty meals a day – a fry up for those deadly treble hangovers – sausages, hash browns, bacon, baked beans. Winning. What a way to start a Monday. Then more baked beans for supper. Socialising of course continues at meal times, eating at a table with your mates is a privilege that sadly Ricky cannot be part of. The sad Roaders will be ordering their hungry house pizza and packet noodles for dinner, whilst lounging in their snuggly common room.

Squatters or Ricky Roaders?

Our accommodation serves alcohol from 11-11

Yeah, its kinda cool, we have our own Leazes bar. Serving bevvys from 11am to 11pm – the pres before your pres. £1.50 a pint, £2.50 a double – ladies and gents you’re all welcome cos Leazes people live by the philosophy of the more the merrier. Pool on the weekends, paninis, pizzas, apparently the latest addition to the menu is Nutella and banana toasties.

Just an average night at Leazes’ bar

We don’t have to share our bathrooms with anyone

I hear the weeps of Roaders as they attempt to cleanse in their communal showers as we take long leisurely showers in the comfort of our own bathroom. No one banging on your door telling you to hurry the fuck up, no awkward sprints in your towel from your room to the shower, and certainly no dodgy hairs. We get what we paid for.

Showering all day every day

You can’t walk out of Leazes without bumping into someone you know

It’s so great seeing that guy or girl you were a bit too friendly to last night in Trop, especially when all you wanted to do was go to the shop. Who doesn’t love awkward lift situations either? You feel like you know people without ever speaking to them.

The warm sausage rolls from the shop are the best hangover cure known to man

Just heavenly.

We’re more fun and still classy

The main hate against Castle Leazes is its dominance of posh public school signet ring types, and yes, their rah exclamations are tedious, but who’s complaining when they know how to get the voddy in the body.

Classy birds flock to the Castle

Posh or not, the quality of life in Castle Leazes far excels that of its neighbour across the park. Partying aside, brick walls and triangle windows just can’t quite beat the aesthetics, the views, the baked beans and Domino’s comfort of the Castle across the field.