Best bogs on campus

In our tireless quest for high quality investigative journalism, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to review the best toilets on the Newcastle Campus. We were going to do the Northumbria Campus, but their entire university is a toilet.

Robinson Library

With over half a million books to choose from, you will never be short of reading material while dropping a deuce. And who doesn’t enjoy catching up with course reading while pushing out a poo.

For the less intellectual among you, the WiFi signal is very strong. You can catch up on Twitter or Facebook, however like most students, most of your time in the library is probably spent on surfing them.

The library is also one of the warmest buildings on campus so dropping your trousers is incredibly comfortable. You will never experience a cold toilet seat.

Merz Court

A contender for the nicest loo on campus. Warm and slightly secluded, many would describe it as ‘a hidden gem’.

Languages student, Max Haydon told The Tab: “It’s amazing, I always go there for my morning poo”.

If that isn’t a glowing endorsement, I don’t know what is.

For an unknown reason, Merz Court also has a foot cleaner. You can sit down and have your feet bathed by a warm flow of water.

The logic behind this is unclear, however The Tab wholeheartedly supports the universities effort in its plan for greater foot hygiene. Even if it is just in one cubicle…

Armstrong Building

One of the more disgusting loos on campus. With no WiFi you are forced to view your surroundings. It is not pretty. Tiles are missing and there is a sickening smell of fish. It’s also very cold.

Luckily they’re on the top floor, and rarely visited.

Business School

Despite the disgusting faux-wood walls , these toilets are very clean and pleasant. It should also be noted that there is  excellent WiFi signal.