What pre drinks is your halls?

On your first night of uni, you realise that what you vom up at pre drinks defines you as a person aesthetically, morally and politically. 

Your tipple of choice represents your political views, your childhood upbringing, the school you went to, the brand of shower gel you use, which side of the bed you prefer and if you have the capacity for armed robbery. You also learn that the random allocation of halls represents who you are as a human being, defining you for the rest of your university career.

For those lost in a self-identity crisis, here’s the definitive guide of what you should be drinking if you want to have someone to live with in a house on Smithdown next year.

Rankin

Nothing better than a bottle of supermarket branded vodka and cheap squash. The girls will have a straw with theirs to retain an element of class while the the rugby lads will have two bottles of the good stuff taped to their hands.  

All the bevs

Salisbury

Vodka and coke with a bomb of your good pal Mandy for a lil extra kick.  Salisbury wankers don’t mess around when it comes to pres. Go hard or go home is their motto and they stick by it. They’ll be side stepping to kitchen street in adidas originals creps and hoodie, obvs.

choker game strong

Vine Court

Gin & Tonic with a fresh lime or some cucumber of course -also none of that Tesco own brand tonic water, purrrrrrlease, it’s Fevertree or nothing. And of course Bombay or Beefeater gin, none of that tacky Aldi rip off.

McNair

Red red wineeee. And white. And rosé. And maybe a  white wine spritzer. McNair are classy ok? Or as classy as you can be drinking Echo Falls from the bottle on the 699. The boys drinks beer in a can, because it’s what they’ve seen their dads do. McNair, you’re just trying to recreate the majority of your inhabitants middle class upbringing at a summer party. Except the Merlot doesn’t cost £37.99. And instead of the over friendly Labrador nuzzling awkwardly at your crotch, there’s that over friendly boy from the midlands doing the same thing. You’re all trying to be the 1945 Shiraz, but let’s be honest, you’re more like the Tesco’s simply red wine, which grates at the back of the rest of Carnatic’s throat, because for some reason, this year, they all hate you.

Pinot Grigio twat

Greenbank

The pre-drinking customs of Greenbank are finely balanced between the apery of Carnatic and the pretension of Crown Place, distilling themselves a refined combination fun and class that shows itself through their choice of pre-drinks.  Greenbanks male population, always faithful to their beers, will drink their way through a few litres of either Stella or Red Stripe, depending on whether they prefer to purchase their clobber from ASOS or Resurrection.  The girls meanwhile are a classy bunch keen to live the high life on a student budget.  With many a sweet tooth to satisfy, Lambrini and spritzers using cheap supermarket wine are the poison of choice., A cheap cup or wine glass, bought straight out of home bargains will then be clutched tightly in one hand throughout pres, whilst the bottle remains glued to the other, making sure to keep its companions topped up.

Crown

Prosecco, chilled at 2 degrees and no higher. These prin’s don’t drink from plastic cups, good gracious no. They maintain their decorum and drink only from crystal champagne flute. Their beverage is garnished of course with hand picked red organic succulent raspberries from Dorset.

Prosecco 4 the win

Philharmonic

They don’t pre cuz no one knows who they are. Who are they?