Choosing to wait is not an embarrassment: I’m a virgin

I’m a Law second year at Leicester University. I’m 20 years old, and I’m a virgin.

When I told my friend that I was going to write about virginity,  she was shocked.

If you’re a virgin at uni, it’s weird. It’s not openly discussed – and that’s baffling. If my friends can discuss sex and her hook-up details so willingly and enthusiastically, then how come talking about being a virgin is so taboo.

For as long as I have known about sex, I have also known that nothing in this world can stop a person from going to bed with somebody else except themselves.

If people use religion as their defence, then you should know that it’s merely an excuse that they want to get away with. It’s their conscious decision- even if it’s based on the concept of burning in hell for being involved in such activities. You are not guilty if you are a virgin – you are being you.

But virginity brings its own baggage, particularly at university.

You don’t need sex to have fun or to enjoy your student life – there are other ways of doing that.

And not having sex at uni doesn’t mean that you can’t date. It just means you want to wait for the right circumstances, and there’s nothing wrong with waiting.

People are stuck on the idea of happily-ever-afters and someone that is perfect for them. They save themselves for the right person so that making love can be special for them.

I know people who have lost their virginity in the back-seat of the car or in the toilet of a cinema. I don’t want that – I want it to be different.

We might want a five-star hotel, scented candles and music playing for our first time. It’s all about priorities and for perfection seekers, love and romance is top of the list.

Being a “one woman man” or a “one man woman” is considered an old-fashioned principle, but hello, people like this still exist. I’m a prime example myself.

This is all about being with one person for the rest of your life. It’s not necessary for some people to wait until marriage to make love (usually they will) but they ideally prefer to be with one person for life. These people are “forever-freaks” in the true sense.

This is similar to finding Mr/Miss Right but the difference is ‘one woman/man’ people don’t just want their first time to be special, but for the special person to be with them for the rest of their life.

But virginity is a choice – I cannot emphasize this point enough. As I said before, nothing (especially in a student life) can stop you from having sex but yourself.

It’s not easy to say no to intimacy and romance. It’s not easy to fight yourself in times when things take a turn towards temptation or burning passion. In those times, it’s your decision to be a virgin.

It’s your choice to say no and wait to reach a certain level of commitment or intimacy for you to be physically and emotionally involved.

To me, being a virgin at 20 isn’t an abnormality – it’s a state of mind.

It’s your decision to wait for the right thing to happen at the right time. It’s your choice to not make “losing virginity” your priority.

It’s your life and choosing to wait is not an embarrassment. If somebody makes a joke about it or you, they don’t understand the reasons in the first place.

Don’t be ashamed of being a virgin. Don’t be afraid to say it out loud – I’m a virgin, so what?