10 things you know if you live at OLIB

‘Wait, you live where?’


Orchard Lisle and Iris Brook is not only a mouthful, it's King's only postgrad residence.

Compared to popular kids Stamford Street or GDS, OLIB is the less cool younger brother who spends their lunch break eating alone.

But enough is enough, it's time for this forgotten residence to have its moment in the spotlight.

1. You start telling people you live "On Guy's" to avoid the inevitable "I've never heard of it."

2. It becomes a competitive sport to see just how quickly you can get from your bed to your NHH lecture. By reading week you've got it down to twelve seconds.

3. You spend every Wednesday listening to people stumble out of Sports Night, but will never actually make the effort to walk one minute and go.

4. You route home involves choosing one of the two sketchy alleys, so it's a trade-off between going past the morgue or seeing someone have a drunk alley wee.

5. The 'community fridge' seems like a nice idea, but you've never been bold enough to open it and discover what rotting old banana definitely lies within.

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6. Hot water becomes an elusive luxury you can only dream of. Other home comforts like electricity are also dubious at times. The renovated bedrooms may say "I'm a classy young professional" but the old bathrooms say "You might catch diseases by walking around barefoot".

7. On the bright side, maintenance man Ian is the best person to have a chat with as he fixes the boiler for the 6th time this week.

8. Instead of house parties, everyone communally works on jigsaw puzzles.

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9. The security staff only appear when a Tesco delivery driver stands outside your door for more than 0.5 seconds, and they suddenly become as aggressive as GB bouncers on sports night.

10. The day staff spend hours organising cute little challenges, and putting out chocolates. The night staff glare at you if you ask whether you could possibly, maybe, perhaps collect your parcel.

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