25 things you’ll understand if you went to King’s

“Students don’t want to ask questions because of lecture capture”

So, Paul from Temple left us (freshers you missed a good one), King's corridors are narrow as hell and society Presidents are preparing their Somerskate doodlepolls. In celebration of the first Christmas lights being spotted up in Birmingham, we've updated last year's checklist:

1. The Strand bench is the smoking ground

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Everybody who is a somebody, BNOC 's and the nobody's trying to be somebody's will be spotted sitting on the wall. They'll be wearing a beret with Karl Marx pinned at the front, ankle-tattooed legs crossed and as you pass you'll hear them planning a revolution.

2. There's a massive divide between the Arts and Sciences which has transcended to campus beef

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Every year, without fail, someone uploads an article explaining why their degree is the hardest. Usually, it's the English students trying to defend their honour against the barrage of Bsc abuse calling them teachers.

Safe space marshals where art thou?

3. King's campuses don't communicate with each other because they're too far away

But always in competition with one another, well the beef is mainly between Strand and Guy's – like does Waterloo campus even exist? Is Denmark Hill a student accommodation or a campus? So many questions, so little cares given.

4. You show pics of Guy's or Maughan or the Quad when your non-KCL mates try to compare campuses

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Anything but the front of Strand.

5. Loads of protesting happens at King's but not as much as SOAS

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London universities are different to campus uni's like Bath or Birmingham where everyone knows that Tom's mum is a MILF and Betty cheated on Jug.

In London, we're used to a more intellectually stimulating, fast-pace life so we organise protests for the fun of it.

6. If King's student were an accessory they'd be eyeglasses

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KCL students are intelligent and you know what they say: the bigger the frame the bigger the brain.

7. We're known for having great coats

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We're good at canvas bags too.

8. We all have that pretentious classmate who likes the sound of their own voice, shock horror: their eyeglasses are fake

This is the type of person whose essay needs to be re-read a million times because none of it makes sense. If you go onto their favourites, you will often find the synonym searcher page (aka thesaurus) bookmarked.

9. You can't get to uni without playing London's version of Total Wipeout – Bloody Roadworks

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Is it me or are the Prets going through refurbishment? If it's not Pret, then it's the big 180 Strand that's LFW one week and a museum the next.

10. We're famous for having safe space marshals

Someone thought they were bodyguards at the Conservative event, so I'm guessing we've got a Men in Black situation here. Could this have something to do with the recent theft at Strand? What I want to know is who still uses the word marshal?

11. The open day kids love Maughan before realising it's an ugly maze inside

Enter if you dare.

12. No one has mastered the navigation between Kings/Strand/Norfolk/ Chesham

"Sorry I'm late, I got lost" Never. Felt. So. True.

13. Getting lost in Guy's underground tunnels trying to get to the prayer room

On top of that your ID card needs to be activated at reception.

14. Having a seminar in -3 and sending all your messages quickly because there's no signal down there

'Listen.. gnna be in underground class, no signal – I'm not ignoring u xx'

15. But knowing full well that the internet doesn't work above ground anyways

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I just realised Eduroam stands for education roaming.

16. We have an amazing SU bar

Until April when it decides to move. Why can't we just keep WATERFRONT

17. Trecking to LSE just for the Hare Krishna free food

18. Your Bush House selfies feel cultured and you have to geotag your location

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19. Everyone calls Bush House the 'old BBC building'

It will never be more than that.

20. People in Wolfson House thinking they live in 'Saff Landn'

Stay in your lane Hetty Douglas.

21. Getting crushed in the Strand stair queue because the elevators never come

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Virginia Wolf is the worst.

22. Trying to avoid rush hour outside the Edmond J. Safra lecture theatre

You catch one of two things in that crowd: freshers flu or first year nostalgia.

23. Having to queue for the toilet

…and your seminar leader being next in queue to your cubicle.

24. Lecturer saying "I don't know if this lecture capture will work" as an excuse for "there won't be any lecture capture"

Is the red light on or off?

25. Or blaming lecture capture for students not participating in their 9am

“Students don’t want to ask questions because of lecture capture," I'm no Sherlock but maybe that's because it's a 9am and they haven't done the reading.

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