Tab Tries: Hot Yoga

According to the Cambridge University Yoga Society’s website, Wednesday’s Hot Yoga sessions have an intensity rating of five sweat droplets out of five.

So, concerned for my Scotch egg-induced paunch, I decided I should revisit the idea of “hot” Bikram yoga. After a light lunch I scurried down to the Cambridge Yoga Centre on George IV Street for a 90 minute session in a room heated to 40 degrees.

From Life experience, I knew I’d be sweatier than Cardinal Newman at a swinger’s party, and Wednesday was certainly no exception.

The House of Hotness

Seated on our yoga mats our instructor, Pilar had us carry out breathing exercises to “oxygenise” our bodies. With all this heavy panting I felt as though I had walked into an ante-natal class, and a soggy wet towel was crowning from my mangina.

After around 20 minutes my white shorts became transparent and anyone behind me whilst I was contorting myself into the ‘camel’ or ‘wind-removing’ pose was greeted with a clearly discernable quivering guiche.

The instructor had devised a playlist to provide a soundtrack to our class. It sounded like a timpani being played at the bottom of a lake, interspersed with the odd piece of incongruous Jack Johnson.

But I started to relax. The intense heat had warmed my muscles for the various stretches.  For someone as inflexible as me this was extremely rewarding.

Getting ready to get down

For the last 10 minutes our coach turned off the heaters, threw open the windows, and had us lie prone on the ground in silence.  Due my extreme dehydration the ceiling immediately turned turquoise, then green, and then purple.

With the wind gently wafting the beads of sweat on my body I felt amazing. Even the sound of a reversing lorry downstairs took on transcendental properties as I gazed upwards, barely blinking, with Indian wise-men warbling in the background. It was pretty trippy.

Unfortunately the spell was broken at the end of the session when we had to sanitise the mats to remove any trace of bodily fluid. Nevertheless, walking out of the session, I felt incredible. Supple, healthy, and so relaxed that all I wanted to do was drink coconut milk and tug myself off to sitar music.

Cheeky cleaning sesh

Each session costs £7 for non-members including a £2 charge for mat rental. Membership costs £15 for one academic year putting the cost for each class down to £5 every week.

I would wholeheartedly recommend Hot Yoga for anyone at all, but if possible try not to bring too many male friends. The ratio of gorgeous yoga girls to sausage was definitely working for me.