I’m not easy just because I’m at Brookes

It can’t simply be coincidence that since Oxford students have arrived back from their eight bedroom summer houses, Yik Yak has been swarming with demeaning posts branding Brookes girls as “easy”.

These keyboard warriors are obviously so wrapped up in their study of some bullshit 13th Century philosophical theory, they’ve failed to realise they’ve probably never even met a Brookes girl. There’s a reason we have MNB and you have Bridge Thursdays, and that reason is we’re more fun. But that doesn’t translate us into being easy.

An Oxford student – on a first date – invited me round for Netflix and chill. And let’s not forget the countless times I’ve overheard Oxford students in clubs say to their mates: “Go for her, she’s Brookes.”

Wearing make-up and going out doesn’t make me easy

There is no correlation between academic achievement and sex drive – and of all people, I would have thought Oxford students wouldn’t be so naive to believe there is. According to these know-it-all keyboard warriors, your sex drive lowers for every A* you manage to get at A Level (but obviously only if you’re a girl).

I knew Oxford’s view on everything from dinner dress to interview questions was painfully outdated, but I didn’t realise their moral values were on par with a caveman. Brookes girls like to go out, that’s no secret. Sometimes they might go home with a guy and enjoy a mediocre night of less than average sex. But what, in the 21st Century, is the problem with a girl having a one night stand? Where does this deep-rooted hatred of girls at Brookes come from?

Is it because you slept with one Brookes girl during Freshers’ and now you’ve decided we’re all fair game? Is it because we like to dress up? Or maybe because we like to wear make-up? Because believe me when I say my on-point eyeshadow blending is not for the benefit of some guy who doesn’t even know the difference between liquid liner and kohl liner.

That eyeshadow blending isn’t for you

You need to get over yourselves. Your high IQ doesn’t make you better in bed, and all the bowties in the world can’t hide your less than average face. Hope you have fun spending yet another lonely night wanking into your Ralph Lauren sock.

Just like going to Oxford doesn’t make you a pretentious Etonian who thinks girls are there to be used and abused, going to Brookes doesn’t make you a slut by default.