The Oscars of Bristol

As prestigious as the actual Oscars but with more diversity

It’s awards season in the land of the rich, famous and beautiful celebrities (#prayforLeo) but here at the Tab Bristol we’ve decided to give out some awards too.

Best place to make friends

There’s no friendship bond quite as strong as the friendship formed while chatting to the girl whose name you’ve forgotten in the smoking area in Bunker. Soon you’ll confirm your friendship while you hold back her hair as she’s vomiting and complaining about her ex and you’ll realise this is one of those “I’m telling my grandchildren about this” kind of moment.


Best place to contemplate your life choices

The School of Humanities common room in Woodland Road. You can sit there and panic, maybe even cry a bit, while you realise you’ve chosen the completely wrong degree and you’ve set yourself up for unemployment. But hang on, everyone around you seems to be doing the same thing? You chat to that girl with lots of piercings who is doing an open unit in Theology. Before you know it, you’ve switched courses. You now study Social Policy. WTF.

Best takeaway

Taka Taka – The only real choice.

Yik Yak agrees

Best road

Whiteladies, unbeatably so. The Kings Road of Brizzle.

Best bar

Browns – cocktails for the times we aren’t pretending we’re broke. It reminds us of where we came from, and why we have a student loan. Champers is necessary on a few occasions and there is simply no place better to celebrate.

Best club

Lakota, every time. Nothing on the Triangle can even compare.  

Best Instagram spot

Although Snapchat seems to think Wills Memorial is the defining image of Bristol,  the awkward buildings surrounding it means that in reality it’s hard to get the perfect shot. Clifton Suspension Bridge, however, is a winner every time.

Highly commended: The roads with the colourful houses that make it look like we’re in Notting Hill.

Best ‘Spoons

W.G. Grace – Like a normal Spoons but with less locals who look like they don’t wash.

Best Stoke Bishop hall

Wills you ingrates.

Just look at it

Best city centre hall

Waverley – it has the least fires.

Best course

History – we are anti social, lazy, unorganised, hermits, argumentative, but if someone collapses to the floor screaming “Help!! I need to know when and how Hitler consolidated his power in the 1940s” then we know exactly what to do – Wikipedia.

History students sometimes pretend to read

Highly commended – Biology. How you find the time and energy to have regular socials as well as ridiculous numbers of contact hours and dissect dead frogs is a mystery to us all.

Best place to cry

Outside Hunger Hatch, with the rain slowly soaking into your gravy and chips.

Best library

The ASS Library – You may never be able to find seats in the hallowed halls of the ASS and definitely won’t be able to actually concentrate on your work but at least it’s the basis of a lot of jokes about butts.

Only ever empty when there’s a fire alarm

Best supermarket

Clifton Down Sainsburys – it’s big, well priced, diverse and has the best cheesy rolls. It’s also pretty much central to everyone and a convenient stop for Stoke Bishop, Redland and Clifton.

Best place to make your parents buy you dinner

Cowshed, it’s full of Bristol students with their Mummys and Daddys. Good food too.

Best place to break up with someone

Bunker dance floor, the idea is to get with someone else in front of their face. Brutal, but it really is the only way.

Best place to drunk text someone

Harbourside, so you can then drop your phone into the murky depths below and contemplate your mistakes.

Insert phone here

Best place to judge people while pretending to do work

Provided that you’re lucky enough to actually find a seat, the ASS library takes first place for this category, fighting off close competition from the Wills memorial library. The main difference being that in the ASS library, you get to share your judgements with your acquaintances whereas Wills is unbearably silent so you’re resolved to doing this merely with your eyes.

Is now really the time for a selife?

Best place to procrastinate

Your bed, while not attending your lectures.

Not today people