Mess, Mess, Mess

Unless you’re a Monica Geller-style clean freak, this is pretty much a foregone conclusion. Your house will become a complete state (messier than it was before). And if your party has an open-door policy, be prepared for your home turning into an apocalyptic scene from Wall-E. Except you won’t have any robots to clean it up. Just you and a roll of binbags.

Better get the bin bags out

Noise Control

Cruising along the streets of Belfast after dark, the City Council noise officers will be at your doorstep before you can even say “Things are starting to get a bit rowdy in here!” And worst of all, in their eco-cars with silent engines, you’ll never hear a thing. Although chances are if noise control are at the door, you probably wouldn’t know if North Korea decided to bomb the house next door.

Nasty Neighbours

If God has blessed you with kind, understanding neighbours then this will not be much of a concern for you. Just invite them on over. There does exist however a breed of monster neighbour, who takes a great deal of pleasure in touting and ruining parties. For this reason, you should always be nice to the neighbours/invite them to your parties.

Those young whippersnappers! Keep it down!

Project X

A bit of a sticky situation, although still more desirable than a Project L scenario (L for Loser), where no one turns up. If you were generous with the invitations then this could be a cause for concern because once a party reaches a critical mass, people start to do things that maybe they shouldn’t do in a stranger’s home. Like fridge-picking. And bedroom-exploring.  So always have the Fonacab number on hand for when your house begins to resemble a refugee camp.

Disciplinary Letter

Much like the symptoms of bubonic plague, the letter will only reveal itself after a few days.  It will summon you to a meeting with your university to atone for your sins. Containing key phrases like “detailed investigation,” “Committee of Discipline,” and “no legal representation permitted,” it is guaranteed to make even the most dedicated of slackers reflect on their choices in life. Begging forgiveness is probably the wisest strategy.

Not the nicest letter to wake up to

The Phantom Pooper

Yes, this is a real problem (I’m told). I can only thank Jesus I have no personal experience of the Phantom Pooper, but he seems to operate like a kind of anti-tooth fairy. Comes to your house, indulges in your drink, and in return leaves a smelly gift for you to discover the next morning that will make any hangover ten times worse.

Why would anyone do this you ask? Your guess is as good as mine. For the lolz, presumably. But victims of the unhinged Phantom Pooper will feel like never laughing again. So next time you’re inviting people round, ask yourself an important question: “Would any of these people shit in my living room?” You can never be too careful – no one thinks it will happen to them until it does.

Be glad this isn’t the real photo…

 Have any house party horror stories of your own? Leave us a comment, or tweet them to us @TheTabBelfast