From dodgy kebabs to fights in the street: A night out in Scunthorpe

Ah, Scunthorpe. The name itself says it all. Once upon a time, it was a thriving, industrial town, situated in the heart of North Lincolnshire.

Today, it is an empty vessel of what it used to be, and the area now is so decrepit that Channel 4 decided to produce a documentary about it named ‘Skint.’

Scunthorpe's nightlife, too, is infamously grim. Yet I am here to put that reputation to rest. Last week, I experienced a night out by visiting four of the town's finest haunts and, to be truthful, I had a blast. Therefore, I have taken it upon myself to review all the places I went to as honestly as I can, in hopes to find justice for little sunny Scunny.

The Blue Bell Inn

Alternatively known as Spoons, or the 'pres,' the Blue Bell Inn is a guaranteed good night out. With a deal of 2 for £12 pitchers, and chips with curry sauce for the price of £3.70, you already know you’re onto a winner.

The Light

Described by innumerable sources as the ‘shittest night club in Scunny,’ I had high hopes for The Light. Before my visit, I was informed that their fishbowls were £5, and for any lover of alcohol, it was a beautiful thing to hear. In fact, one could say that from this first impression, The Light had already won my heart.

However, this was a short-lived love affair. After being ushered in with no ID requirement (a very promising start), we walked in to what appeared to be a very empty room.

After witnessing the DJ enthusiastically ask a virtually empty dance floor if we were 'ready to party?,' (obviously excluding the odd gaggle of middle-aged women), my pals and I decided that we had seen enough and left as swiftly as possible.

The Britannia

The Britannia is probably your best bet for a decent night out in Scunny, as it's complete with two smoking areas, an upstairs and a downstairs section, which always seems to be packed.

The music, for the most part, is not a total let down either. For me, it was refreshing to finally go to a club where the DJ wasn't playing any slow miserable songs which had been remixed so much that dancing to them becomes an awkward experience (more specifically, songs by Adele or Ed Sheeran).

The Britannia, arguably, is most likely to be considered the heart of Scunthorpe nightlife itself, so its not surprising if you bump into someone you know.

Kebabish Scunthorpe

Standing just a few feet away from the other three places I visited, Kebabish Scunthorpe is an oasis for any person on a night out.

Inside this kebab shop, the level of rowdiness was an experience in itself. I also discovered that Kebabish Scunthorpe was a way to test how drunk I was, because if I was drunk enough, I might have enjoyed that £4 chicken donner, even just a small bit. At this point during my night, unfortunately, I was at the other end of the spectrum.

To conclude…

So the clubs and the pubs are a bit grotty, but is that not the best bit? Does that not capture the true essence of Scunthorpe?

With drinks as cheap as chips, banging tunes (for the most part) and, of course, a kebab at the end of the whole ordeal, you simply cannot go wrong on a night out in Scunthorpe.