Crying on campus: the top spots
Let it out
It’s a week before the end of term; emotions are running high as student loans run dry. We’ve all spent the last week being attacked from every side by over-keen candidates for the Student Union elections, there’s a cyberfight going on between Newcastle students and our beloved WHQ – it’s all getting a bit much.
Go on, give vent to your grief. I dragged along some miserable mates with me to find the top spots to let your tears flow on campus.
It started off simple. What’s the best thing to do when you’re feeling down? Address the issues and combat them. With food.
Luckily for us, we don’t even have to leave campus to get a good session of tears and food-therapy. Head down to the bottom floor of the student’s union, and let your misery demons feast on the campus’ Domino’s branch. We made the most of the student discount and buried all our woes under a thick layer of congealed grease.
Top tip: BBQ dip apparently turns your tears into beautiful drops of liquid gold.
But what about somewhere with a bit more privacy?
Our next location is for seriously political cryers only. The “Gender Neutral Accessible Toilets” on the fourth floor of the SU. Yeah, boy oh boy are they great. Or sorry – boy/girl oh boy/girl are they great.
This is the perfect place for the philosophers among us to come and weep tears for the inequality prevalent in 21st century society. It’s private, clean, and right next to the Hub.
Whether inequality in the world is too much to bear, or your study group meeting in the Hub has reduced you to tears of hatred, or maybe you just want a quiet place to come to terms with your own gender affiliation – these toilets were built for your lamentations.
Top tip: Could also be used as a possible location for sex on campus
Enough of privacy. When some of us are sad, we want everyone to know. And know they shall. We went and found the best place to open the watergates for the attention seekers and drama queens. Conveniently, there was a lonely looking chair sitting right underneath the sign to the Northern Stage.
The famous Bard once said “To cry on campus, or not to cry on campus, that is the question”. CRY. CRY, FRIENDS. CRY HERE. Come outside the Northern Stage, and give an audience to your sadness, weep more than you’ve ever weeped.
All this crying was making us tired and emotional, so on the way to the library we stopped for a quick cry in the tunnel over the Great North Road.
(Top tip: time this well – five minutes past any hour between 9am and 5pm will guarantee you’ll have the largest audience of students wandering through campus post lectures. You could even start charging for showings and make a tidy profit from your distress).
Apparently, third-years are in the middle of their dissertations. And apparently this is stressful for them. So out of sympathy and for their convenience we chose our last two spots in the Robinson Library.
If you’re one of those perfectly reasonable but inherently slightly nasty people that feel better when they’re told about other people’s woes being worse than theirs, then this next spot is for you.
We went up to the 4th floor, and spilt our tears over Shakespeare’s sadder sonnets. If you’re into narcissism and tears of self pity, this spot could also be for you – just think, you’ll never be as famous as him.
(Top tip: keep tears to a poignant sniffle here, or face terrifying ‘ssshhh’ noises from non-crying nerds at desks).
And last, but not least, the ultimate place to cry on campus – the library lift. Hear me out.
It’s ideally positioned for tear-inducing work sessions, it can be private, or public (doors open, doors close – lift full, lift empty), its endless cycle between floors perfectly replicates your endless misery, AND you can get out at any point to top up your salt-water levels in the library café.
And the library is 24 hours so you never have to stop crying and won’t be ever be found by security closing the building.