Facebook Ruined Your Social Life

Facebook: more addictive than smack or crack.

We all know Facebook is as addictive as injecting heroin into the very eyeballs you’re using to observe this media world, where in fact most Facebook photos seem to come from for us Uni students. This is particularly the case now as it exists as one giant collage of twats.

In these photos, groups of grinning girls heads are so firmly squeezed together you wouldn’t be surprised if the token fat one’s head exploded, and even then, in the proceeding photos her gallant friends would be posing to exaggerate how shocked they are that fat Becky could actually get uglier.

Say cheese not eat it, fatty

Her friends would then feel the need to express their grief in a sincere status that would appear just under Derek’s post of his cat wearing a small hat, not undermining it at all.

Facebook wanks, (or more colloquially termed “fwanks”), are rife, found whilst ogling at bikini shots in albums ‘Summer 2k11 Portugal with ma girlies.’ Yeah that’s right flick back and forth just to watch her bend over. You animal!

We’re so poisoned by this media that even if Jesus himself returned for a second coming, before long he would have more online friends then you could shake a crucifix at, and spend more of his time trying to delete the tag Judas created on ‘Pull cam’ at ‘Legends’ of him leaving with Mary Magdalene; as opposed to doing his divine duty and stopping the likes of Jimmy Savile and Noddy from actively pursuing their activities.

The thing is, barely a genuine moment of fun can be enjoyed without that delay to get out the camera to capture it.

It seems we no longer do things purely to enjoy the company of our friends or drunkenly urinate on homeless people for the sake of it, as opposed to expecting massive plaudits from the hundreds that would see if it were on Facebook.

You’ve got to miss the good ole days. Instead we do it so it can be documented and shared purely to prove something about our lives. What is on this virtual world has come to define too much of our existence to others.

It hasn’t brought us closer together at all. It’s made us more jealous and narcissistic, more cruel and judgmental.

We spend our whole time refreshing that page because wanting to know if people are enjoying life more or less than us is now an obsession, and by the wholly fake evidence posted, we always wrongly conclude that it is more. It depresses us.

Ironically these advancements in social media and technology of this genre if you will, has only served to reduce us as people. ‘Ooo look at Steve’s photo of how wasted mike was’. Fuck off Steve, go and milk yourself on the M6.

Now if you will excuse me I have a hot date with picture number 47 in album ‘Who let the slags out! Maliaa!’ on Becky’s timeline.