Here’s every Freshers 2015 event by college

It’s that time again when fresh-faced youngsters descend upon our hallowed campus and make twats of themselves for a week. With nine colleges all competing for the hallowed prize of Freshers Week of the Year, you freshers are positively spoiled for choice.

Bowland

Bowland’s playing hard-to-get, as ever, locking their juicy Freshers timetable away behind an exclusive closed group. Bet it was shit anyway.

Cartmel

Cartmel have certainly got the best graphic designer on their team of any of the colleges, and the UV paint party poster suggests they’re carrying on the theme from last year’s extrav.

The appeal of ceilidhs remains an enigma, but according to Environmental Science second year George “they don’t actually suck”. Take from that what you will.

The cult film night also has promise as a chill night, although the poster suggests it’ll be “cult” by way of Fight Club, so perhaps not. Other than that it’s a standard big night out and a big night in with a silent disco, which will likely be the best nights.

County

Sorry County, nobody cares about daytime events, not even freshers.

Saturday 3^rd is a mystery, but County have laid out a nice selection of alternate events for any teetotals and basement dwellers around because they’re considerate like that.

As for the nights out, casino night is a classic and is usually a good time until you realise “suits are not meant to be danced in” says second year law student George.

County also have not one but TWO big night outs to offer, steady on there. Paint parties are, obviously, “a great laugh” says Business second year Thea.

Furness

Good ol’ inoffensive, middle of the road Furness doesn’t disappoint: all the standards are here, from the casino party and big night out to the “T” for Trevor on-campus bar crawl.

Karaoke and comedy nights make for two low-key offerings; your mileage may vary, but it’s doubtful many of you came to Freshers expecting stand-up.

More interesting is the full moon party, which will presumably be an attempt to capture all the thrill of a Thai party island in Trevor. Best of luck.

Grizedale

Grizedale offer all the usuals you’ve come to expect and nothing much besides. Sounds about right.

Lonsdale

Ignore what was said about Cartmel, Lonsdale clearly have the MVP graphic designer. Gorgeous posters aside, highlights include the house wars night and the toga party, headlined by LUEDMS and Covert.

Even among the standards set by other colleges Lonsdale’s done a great job, babies & pensioners is a night out theme we can’t say we’ve seen before.

“Pre-founders is also one of the strongest of the college team-up big night outs as well” says Maths second year Bethan.

Pendle

As expected –  Pendle couldn’t get their thumbs out of their arses long enough to put a timetable up on time.

Fylde

Fylde were also late, classic Fylde.