Meet the King’s Lacrosse Ladies ready to destroy UCL

They’re back and they’re ready to smash UCL all. Over. Again

Welcome to The King’s Tab’s coverage of London Varsity 2020, bringing you the wildest stories from the games, rundowns of the squads, and the latest score updates. Anything mad happens at a game? Message us on Instagram or Facebook.

The King’s Lacrosse Ladies are a sure force to be reckoned with. They won last year on triple overtime, and there’s not an ounce of doubt they’ll win the crow yet again.

Watch the Lacrosse ladies play (sorry, smash) UCL on March the 7th at the King’s House Sports Ground. You can buy your tickets here.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I introduce you to the mighty Lacrosse Ladies.

Kat Willoch – Mid Defence

Course: Computer Science

Year: Third Year

Bio: You might not know it, but Kat is actually famous in Norway. Luckily for us, she has taken three years out from filming some obscure and slightly morally-questionable music videos to lead our team to Varsity victory. Studying Computer Science, Kat officially has a higher IQ than all of the Men’s 2s put together and in addition to that she has legs longer than Gigi Hadid’s so is ready to keep on any UCL player attempting to charge down the field.

Can we understand a word she says in team talks? Definitely not.

Relationship status: First Lady.

Joni Roberts – Goalie

Course: French and Philosophy

Year: First Year

Bio: This year Joni has been KCL Lacrosse’s saving-grace. Stepping up as goalie in a time of utter desperation, we are forever indebted. Don’t be fooled by her sunny disposition and sweet demeanour, if UCL go anywhere near the crease Joni will make sure they regret it.

Number of questions asked on the group chat daily: 15.

Number of job prospects with a degree in French & Philosophy: 0.

Maddie Sibley

Course: War Studies

Year: Masters

Bio: Our gal from the sub-tropics, Maddie joined lacrosse in her first year at King’s, having never played before. She took to the game as quickly and skilfully as she can down a pint: bloody fast. When she’s not discussing the Thatcher era or contemplating an inner lip tattoo, Maddie has taken our freshers under her gin-soaked wing ensuring their affinity for the sesh is established from an early age. Good stuff.

Favourite pastime: Bashing the Daily Mail.

If lost please return to: Dover Castle.

Lottie Pasi – Straight Defence 

Course: Medicine

Year: First Year

Bio: You will not want to cross Lottie on or off the pitch. This girl makes Regina George look like the sweetest girl you could ever meet. Her love for alcohol is quite remarkable, we can only hope that she doesn’t start drinking before the match begins. A resting bitch face mixed with a passion to win and years of lacrosse experience, Lottie is invaluable to KCL’s defence. This said, its a good thing the women are playing in the afternoon or Lottie would most definitely sleep through her first Varsity.

Most used phrase: ‘I’ll just use daddy’s card’.

Number of times she’s had to be taken home from Guy’s Bar before midnight: Every. Single. Time.

Eliza Kiel- Mid Defence

Course: Medicine

Year: First Year

Bio: Its a good thing Eliza is good at Lacrosse because her medical skills are questionable. Having only recently learnt the difference between Chlamydia and Salmonella she’s not the brightest member of the team. That said, once you see her smooth transitions, effortless slides and her never miss a ball you’ll be able to forgive her academic faux pas.

Type of boys she likes: Anyone that could pass for being her brother.

Favourite clothing: Shropshire lacrosse stash, thats right, not King’s Lacrosse.

Anna Timms – Centre

Course: Medicine

Year: Fourth Year

Bio: Ex-captain and lacrosse veteran. Hopeless drunk and Harry Potter addict. This is Timmsy’s fourth varsity and after last year’s win she is not ready to lose her crown. Beware: Anna has the most extreme temper you will ever witness so UCL may want to watch out. She will shout, throw her stick and storm about the pitch but in actuality she’s a delightfully polite, stereotypical home counties girl.

Number of appearances at Guy’s Bar this year: 0.

Where to find her: Heaven or GAY.

Jamima Tsang – Mid Attack

Course: Biomedical Sciences 

Year: Fourth Year

Bio: Jemima is Vice-President of the club and ready to make her mark in her fourth London Varsity Series. A veteran at cradling balls, she always looks at ease on the pitch. Not only does Jemima never seem to get tired, she also manages to give inspiring half time talks even on a horrific hangover (??).

Biggest struggle: Trying to go vegetarian.

Toxic trait: Late to everything.

Holly Haynes – Straight Attack

Course: Spanish & Portuguese

Year: Fourth Year

Bio: Holly is KCL’s Queen of fast breaks. Her shots are powerful and her drives even more so, and to top it all off she has been known to laugh at the opposing team’s goalie after scoring. We missed her last year at Varsity because she was traipsing through Chile on what she likes to call her ‘Latin American Experience’ (otherwise known as a year abroad). Having not been able to partake in our winning glory, Holly is more determined than ever to leave UCL in the dust.

Sensitive subject: Women’s 1st Team Captaincy.

Favourite pre-game food: Sausage and Bean Melt from Greggs.

Maddie Shaw – Centre

Course: First Year

Year: Geography

Bio: A descendent of landed gentry, when not colouring in Maddie can be found skiing or having daddy run errands for her. UCL likely won’t even see Maddie run past them as she literally runs faster than the speed of light. Having been known to argue with numerous refs and throw the occasional tantrum if the game isn’t going her way, Maddie refuses to end her first Varsity in anything but a win.

Favourite post-match snack: Caviar and champagne.

Guy’s Bar check-out time: 9pm.

Kerry Baird – Mid Attack

Course: Biomedical Engineering

Year: Third Year

Bio: Kerry could probably run five marathons back-to-back so will be able to out-run any UCL player effortlessly. Her shots on goal hit harder than tequila slammers so UCL’s goalie really doesn’t stand a chance. Using lacrosse as a distraction from her horrible degree she more ready than ever for Varsity (that is if she doesn’t get another UTI before March 7th).

Moment she’ll never live down: Taking four Welsh boys home in one night.

Most tragic Guy’s Bar moment: Chipping her tooth whilst doing the worm.

Aria Astruc – Straight Defence

Course: Medicine

Year: Second Year Graduate

Bio: Smartest girl on the squad, Aria will not let you forget that she is GPEP. She definitely has her life together more than most members of the team and you can always rely on her to be at every match – on time – even when the rest of the team are still 30 minutes away. Aria has been a crucial member of KCL’s Varsity defence for two years now and will not let the ball anywhere near our goalie.

Staple accessory: A Tommy Hilfiger duffle bag.

Does she despair at the rest of the squad’s antics? Most definitely.

Ines Hayward-Daventry – Straight Attack

Course: French & Spanish

Year: Second Year

Bio: Ines is quite the enigma: born in Aberdeen, raised in the Netherlands and made in King’s Lacrosse. She was once quite the character on a Wednesday sports night but has calmed down a lot this year, much to the delight of the Guy’s Bar bouncers. Catch her cutting through the fan and assisting all of our goals; our attack would be lost without her.

Fun fact: One of only two people in the country who can eat swan.

Most iconic moment: Stabbing herself with an EpiPen, despite having no allergies, and having to be taken to the hospital by her boyfriend’s mum.

Sonya Trukhina – Straight Attack

Course: French & History

Bio: Not that you’ll realise by talking to her, but Sonya is in fact Russian. Perhaps the most committed player on the team, she never misses Monday strength & conditioning, Tuesday training or a Wednesday sports night. Whilst you’ll want her on your lacrosse team, we sadly can’t say the same when it comes to playing Articulate – she recently failed to even attempt to describe what a Zebra crossing is.

Biggest secret: She only wears goggles to make herself look more intimating.

Biggest regret: Coming to uni with her ex (see Men’s team for more details).

Safiya Rafiq – Straight Attack

Course: Physics

Year: Third Year

Bio: Our token Northerner and Ladies 2s Captain, Saf is a welcome addition to the squad. When not on the lacrosse pitch, she can be found procrastinating about writing her dissertation or in the family area of Spoons recovering from a night out. Living off a stable diet of jacket potatoes and snakebite, this fitness Goddess will definitely give UCL a run for their money on the pitch and in the pub.

Number of Bianchis bedded: 1.

Worst trait: Regularly losing her bank cards, jacket and dignity on a night out.

Buy tickets for the game here.

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