Texts from Exes: Quarantine Edition

Some people have released their inner Productive Penelope during isolation, excelling in various hobbies from baking to learning languages (I’d be lying if said I haven’t made at least 20 banana bread’s myself). While some are participating in daily walks, the only place that others have been strolling is down memory lane, texting their exes like there’s no tomorrow.

We asked for all the hilarious ways your exes have gotten in touch over lockdown and, if this is the alternative, it’s made me feel a whole lot better about being lonely.

The classic “you up?”, “I miss you” and “let’s meet up”

We’ve all received these texts at one point or another, you know, the ones you tell your friends to ignore? The classic “I miss you” was unsurprisingly common. But some went the extra mile with: “I miss you, who knows what the future holds”. Excuse me whilst I vomit.

Others had the request for a meet up, with one student student stating “(He) asked me to meet him tomorrow and I said yes ://”.  Some stayed strong, telling The Cardiff Tab that when he “asked to meet up, I said no and then he blocked me”. Was he flirting or playing hard to get? Guess we’ll never know.

It’s nice to see that the “you up?” texts have survived quarantine. One student said that they “got aired by her, then 2 days later asked if I was up”. The real question is, were you up?

The old “we need to talk”

It seems the need to talk has overcome a lot of you, with one student telling The Cardiff Tab that their ex texted them on the third week of lockdown saying “we need to talk”. I’m guessing it wasn’t about Kevin.

The not-so classics

My personal favourite is “how’s locky McLockdown treating you?” Seriously, if someone doesn’t use this on me on Tinder before the end of quarantine then I have failed.

Your ex may well have texted you for support in the past, but has it ever been because “the neighbours set his garden on fire”? I’ve heard of the neighbours from hell but never a neighbour recreating hell…in your garden. Fair play.

One of the stranger texts from exes is “‘help I’m tripping balls after an edible’, followed by 7 missed calls at 3am”. I really hope that someone helped him.

And then there’s “‘Happy Fathers day’. Neither of us have kids…” Maybe this is your chance to practice.

The sexual ones

One student received a text from an ex saying “he misses sex” which the student said is “absolutely not my business”.

It’s to be expected that the odd “you up” turns into something more, but you’ve got to draw the line somewhere! “I didn’t get any texts he just spammed me with dick pics”. I’m genuinely curious as to whether this has ever worked to win someone back, or even get a quick shag… it doesn’t seem like the most effective method.

The headfucks

These are the people that seem to be a little sadistic, who very much enjoy messing with your head long after the relationship has ended. It should be dead and buried but it just keeps coming back. There’s the ones that have already been blocked like this student whose ex bizarrely contacted her  saying “he ‘wants a chat’ sent via 8 ball as he’s blocked on everything else”.

Or there’s the ones that block you for no reason, like this student’s ex who “popped up to me and then blocked me”. If that’s not messing with your head then what is?

Another ex said “it was ‘my fault’ he had to stop talking to a new girl as he ‘still has feelings’ for me”?? Of course, who else’s fault could it be? And the blame doesn’t end there, another student told us that their ex “left me, then complains about a lack of attention, my heads fried”. Don’t blame you tbh.

Absolutely not happening

The friends of exes

It’s always difficult to know how long to wait before reaching out to your exes friends to test the waters, but not for this student, whose ex text them saying “I couldn’t message their friend until 5 years after the break up”. It’s nice to know where you stand.

Another student had to deal with “not only him drunk calling missing me…his friends calling me too as they miss me”. Tbh, there’s no higher compliment than this.

Gotta get with my friends

The heartbreaks

“You’re the best boyfriend I’ve had but I’m marrying someone else”. I mean why can’t they just work it out??? Or “I would like you to forgive me, we used to be good friends and I miss that”.

And finally, the heartbreaking for totally different reasons is this students story of how “my ex best-friend and him moved in together and he’s my neighbour”. Wow, any landlord should let you out of that contract.

Hay fever flare-up I swear

And that’s all folks. I think we can all learn from this and close those old chapters of our lives over quarantine. A quick message to all those exes reading, maybe next time just have a cold shower x

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