Breathalysers at the SU will ensure there are less fights and injuries

Why are you all complaining?

The SU is a must-go on a Wednesday for the Lash and Saturday for Flux, filled with fights, injuries and long queues for drinks.

Yet you’re all complaining because the SU are bringing in random breathalyser tests. My question is: why? My answer: because you’re all a bunch of hypocrites.

Whenever one enters Y Plas, 50 per cent of the conversation is drunken gibberish and the other half is people complaining about one thing or another. By introducing the breathalysers, it eliminates the possibility of people being allowed in if they’re too pissed, which is normally the case when socials are concerned. Less people means less queues for the bar, less fights, and less injuries.

Less of this

But let’s take this one thing at a time, to help those simple-minded folk who think the breathalysers are a bad idea. Firstly, there will be less queues. Have you ever been to the SU and not complained about the queues for the bar? They are ridiculous – you queue up for as long as forty minutes (don’t doubt me, I’ve counted) only for a bomb or a shot of sambucca. If people don’t get in, there’s less people to push in or shove you out of the way.

Ladies, this one is for you -the queues at the bar won’t be the only thing that’s shorter. Think of how short the queues to the toilets will be. You’ll be able to pee in peace. How utterly wonderful.

Another clear reason why breathalysers will be a good thing is that there will be less fights and therefore less injuries. These two come together, really. Do you want to know who starts fights? Drunk people. Do you want to know who causes injuries? Drunk people.

Drunk people

But who gets the injuries? Innocent bystanders who just want to have a good time listening to the repetitive playlist. Bringing the breathalysers in means that these innocent bystanders are safe from the idiots who cause the trouble, because chances are, those idiots are the reasons the breathalysers are being introduced.

You all only hate it because you think you might be targeted. And if you are, then you’re the idiot who pushes in the queue, who starts the fight, or the idiot who causes the injuries.