How not to be a landlord: a guide on making the most out of pissing off your tenants

If professionalism isn’t your thing but you still want to make a tidy bit of money become a landlord and make a half-arsed effort of it.


I have been lucky enough this year to land myself a house with an extremely reasonable landlord, however if you’re into a more blasé and extortionate style of business, I suggest you follow in the steps of some of Cardiff’s less reputable student letting agencies.

back to the dark ages for this student

back to the dark ages for this student

With the influx of students who will arise in the coming weeks scrambling for a house there is always the advantage of convincing students that house hunting is like one huge expensive geographical game of musical chairs.

Persuade them that if they’re not quick enough they’ll end up sleeping by the ventilation fans outside the Sir Martin Evans building, students will take like flies to shit.

A personal favourite incident that happened to a few friends of mine at the hands of one letting agency is to sell the house to another landlord without telling the new tenants. After all, nothing is a bigger relief than moving all your stuff into your new house after you’ve chased the keys around the capital of Wales for a day.

At the end of the year always squeeze the most money out of repair costs. Ten pound blinds? Nah they’re seventy pounds now. And never let go of that bond, negotiate for that one hundred pounds as though it’s the Gaza strip. If it doesn’t work out for you then you can always evict them, you may get some sadistic kick out of it.

evicted or unfurnished Imperial one bedroom flat?

evicted or unfurnished Imperial one bedroom flat?

Being a student often means being in the house on your own so why not invite some furry friends into the house you are letting out.

Nothing says ‘chow down’ like a drenched kitten-sized rat staring at you from your kitchen cabinets.

One group of students discovered that it’s fairly easy to get your landlord to kill the rats… There’s just a chance they won’t scoop the remains out for over a year, causing a potent fragrance.

Another hairball of a friend is the mouse and leave them long enough and you’ll be able to hear their all night romping sessions in between the walls next to your pillows.

Damp is easy to bypass. Despite the unsightliness of it and the possibility of contracting some tropical respiratory Legionnaires type disease. There is no need to fix it even if it is completely eating the house from the inside out.

In reality most letting agents are in for an easy time and an easy buck.

Kingtson, Imperial, Key Let, take heed and soon enough you’ll be selling shit heap houses for shit high prices.