The truth on hickeys
Is that a turtleneck I see?
The porters eyed it up on your way out to lectures, your supervisor gave your neck a suspicious stare and of course your beloved friends will have gone to great lengths to draw attention to the marks of last night's activities… your war wounds even gained a snigger from the buttery servers; "A hickey? I didn't know people of your age still gave those out!"
It would appear so, Susan. Look around.
Seriously, do though. There's some masterpieces out there and to be honest, hats off to those who gave them out. You're an artist.
And they said people got none in Cambridge…
Of course, when you wake up in the morning and inspect the damage; whether you've prepared yourself for the worst or whether you've had a shocker, we're all confronted with the same dilemma; do you cover it up? Hair down? Turtleneck it? Or just parade it around as a mark of your sexual conquests?
It's always pretty bloody obvious when you cover it up. No matter how many WikiHow articles you've consulted, you probably don't have any of this mysterious 'green concealer', your attempts will inevitably be in vain and you'll just end up with a suspiciously orange neck after having wasted a whole bottle of concealer.
But to be honest, what are a few marks on the odd weekday when some poor souls have had to endure Matriculation or play head-shots with glaring marks from the night before immortalised on the walls of their parents' home for all proud relatives to see?
And share a thought for the lads who mostly are really left with no choice, without resources. If they can do it, so can you.
You probably don't even own a turtleneck do you? Poor form. And yes, hoodies are a very poor substitute. Plus, when it's 8:40 and lectures begin at 9, you don't have the luxury of time to debate your options.
But is freaking out over hickeys worth it? Wasting half a bottle of foundation to create some substantial slag lines? Everyone's had one before and its really not a big deal.
And if you've ever had a browse of your lecture halls, you should know that you definitely won't be the only one. From my experience, I've spotted many hickeys out in the open and to be honest, no one really cares.
Despite the initial hilarity, it isn't too bad. If you're lucky it'll be gone soon along with every memory attached to it. If you'd prefer to be discreet by all means chuck on the turtleneck and whack on the concealer; if you succeed I want to know your story.
So here's to everyone, praying, hoping waiting for their hickeys to heal before heading home at the end of term to avoid the roast, which, by the way, is 10 x worse of your parents and family members. They truly will never let you live it down.
P.S: Shoutout to everyone who submitted their hickeys, you're great xoxo