Raging Trinitarians booze it up in Caesarian Sunday madness: take out frustrations on table tennis bat, giant Jenga

Gang of Trinity students mark Caesarian Sunday with alcohol-fueled frenzy in lower JCR, taking out frustrations on college-owned table tennis bat and leaving other students to clear up bottles strewn across the floor.

Shocked students – who, in the pursuit of some innocent fun, had been hoping to use the college’s table tennis table – contacted the college’s student union.

To their horror, they found that a table tennis bat’s handle was severed from the body of the instrument, rendering usage of the sporting equipment impossible.

Savagery.

The college’s prized table tennis paraphernalia wasn’t the only target of the vandals’ shenanigans: the college’s set of giant Jenga was found in a state of disarray on the floor.

Stunning lack of consideration.

The architects of this chaos left onlookers in no doubt as to their condition while embarking on the dirty deed; beer bottles, littered on the carpet, suggest that the inebriated students may have been on their way to Caesarian Sunday celebrations on Jesus Green.

‘O tempora, o mores!’ said fourth year historian Ingram Davidson, in a state of visible upset. ‘Not since the sack of Rome has classical architecture seen such laddishness.’

Alcohol sighted in Trinity.

Students, who appear to have been trialing ‘fun’, had been binging on McDonald’s.  One table, on which they abandoned the filthy leftovers of their meal, was smeared with ketchup, already starting to become crusty with time.

It is not clear what disciplinary measures the college will take against these hooligans for wasting precious study time and endangering the college’s coveted share of firsts.

The aftermath.