Sex on Cambridge Grindr is terrible – here’s why I’m stopping

In the best of situations, Grindr is a dodgy institution.

Think Tinder, but where everyone is male and gay, and conversations start as frequently with penis pictures as they do with the word hello.

It is best suited to those kinds of bustling metropolises like London where even the people that are 100 metres away are not friends or acquaintances. In London Grindr works. If one is willing to brave the weirdos, then ‘big city’ Grindr is fun.

They all look a bit like cocks anyway

Apply it to the tiny world that is Cambridge, especially around the university. The sheer unadulterated awkwardness is incredible. The mini profile pictures (of the profiles that even have them) display many more people I know than I feel comfortable with.

What makes it awkward in a way that Tinder is not, for those who don’t know, is that Grindr is used pretty much exclusively for sex. There are those who claim that they are looking for friends, chats, or a relationship. They are either lying or they are misguided. So far as I can see, looking for love on Grindr is like looking for snow in the Sahara. One could wait a long time.

Anyway, the dates are far more awkward than the sex meets. At least there is a sense of functionality and unambiguity in meeting someone just for sex, both parties know where they stand. In the past, the dates have just been painful.

One of the more descriptive profiles

The sex meets here are no weirder than they are in London or anywhere else. Random sex will always have its fair share of pretty weird people. Grindr Sex is Grindr Sex wherever that may be.

I have had times where I’ve walked in only to find that someone has made a double booking for the evening and there is already another naked guy in the room.

I’ve had times where I’ve realised that the guy was a solid ten years older, probably someone’s supervisor and 20 lbs fatter than their profile could ever lead one to believe.

I’ve had guys I don’t know ask if they can keep my underwear to smell it. (The answer was no, no matter how complimentary it is to be told that I had a nice scent).

mmmm… Erotic

My Grindr encounters are really very far from the more intensely weird side of online ‘dating’ apps, and I feel like these encounters have been very much awkward enough.

Call me uptight or call me a prude (I have been called both) but if I am going to have someone sniffing my pants when we barely know each other, I would prefer if it happened somewhere where there is relative anonymity. I would prefer it not to be somewhere where I am quite likely to bump into anyone I meet, possibly in the most awkward of circumstances.

You probably know someone in this photo

That is why I have deactivated my Grindr, and don’t intend to reactivate it until next time I’m in London.