Screwing around with your housemates will always be a recipe for disaster

Spoonin’ leads to forkin’


So you’re moving into your new house on Divinity Road and you have a little crush on one of your housemates.

This is your basic guide of how not to fall in love with them because we all know it can only end in disaster, and potentially pregnancy.

Boy/Girl ratio.

When choosing your house, one of the most important things to decide is who you are going to live with.

How many people? Five? Six? All boys, girls or a mixture?

If you’re going for a mixed house, just think: are those of the opposite sex just friends or “just friends”?

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Just friends, promise!

Which room do you take?

Presumably your house will have at least two floors so when deciding which room is yours, choose one on opposite levels. That walk down the corridor is just too tempting, but the stairs are definitely too much effort.

Ideally there should be a boys floor and a girls floor.

Don’t be tempted to take the room opposite the housemate that you fancy.

Don’t drink.

Don’t drink around your housemates of the opposite sex, ever.

Predrinks is your worst enemy in this situation. It offers the scenario of drinking and talking – an opportunity to flirt and get drunk together.

After a night out filled with drinking, a little cuddle is always tempting, but remember spoonin’ always leads to forkin’.

Furthermore, with alcohol comes beer goggles which may cause you to forget that you have just necked on with your housemate.

You know it wasn’t really the Jaegerbombs from MNB that caused you to jump on top of each other, even if it is a good excuse.

2nd Year Occupational Therapy student Alison said: “don’t let them buy you a drink, it all goes downhill from there.”

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Beer goggles ready!

Go on the pull.

So it’s Wednesday night which means one thing – Fuzzies – Europe’s number one destination to pull, and the perfect distraction from your housemate.

You know what they say, in order to get over someone you need to get under someone else.

This should also tell your flirty housemate that you’re just friends and don’t have any feelings for them.

However, try and avoid being loud, because your housemate will probably hear your impressive bedroom skills and want some of that the next night.

If you find yourself falling for them.

First of all, don’t have sex, don’t have sex standing up, sitting down, ever!

During house family dinners don’t sit opposite each other or the opportunity to stare lovingly into each others eyes becomes all too easy.

Turn that flanter into plain old banter.

Don’t even try to be friends with benefits because you will get pregnant and die.

Take things slow, so slow that you remain friends forever, or at least until you’ve finished uni and are no longer living together.

Sex with your housemate alters the comfortable, familiar, relationship you had before.

Remember, a messy housemate love fight can cause tension and awkwardness for the whole house, to the point where house family roasts to The Head of the River become house family counseling sessions.

What to do if you do have sex.

Don’t make them breakfast in the morning, that’s what couples do.

Give each other a high five and mark each other’s efforts so not to make it awkward.

Don’t shag each other again. But let’s be honest you’ll both be back for more.

Don’t make it awkward. Acknowledge what has happened and move on with your life, don’t cower in your room until they are out of the kitchen to then go and make your breakfast.

Talk and joke about it openly with your housemates, remember, sharing is caring and humour always goes a long way.

2nd year Geography student Louis said, “sleeping with your housemate is risky but if it happens always use a condom.”

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Not making it awkward!

What to do if you fall for them.

You should probably sit down and talk about it. Acknowledge that you’re sleeping together and that it probably isn’t an ideal situation.

Even more so, admit your feelings for them. There’s nothing more frustrating than seeing two people who like each other deny it and then both hurt each other by getting with other people.

Set boundaries. Let’s be realistic, sometimes you can see so much of your housemates that you just want some of your own time in your own room, ON YOUR OWN.

Establish your own time and space away from each other to give each other room to breathe, otherwise the whole thing will move too fast and you will grow to hate each other.

Come to this agreement early on so that you can respect it and won’t just walk in unannounced or use each other’s rooms as a convenient wardrobe extension.

And just remember, whatever happens, you have to live with each other.