A-level results day: Welcome to Bristol, freshers

To all those who has achieved the grades to get into Bristol, congratulations!

Welcome to the woke, trendy, free-spirited, quirky, diverse, vibrant and endlessly definable city of Bristol. You’ll never be far from smashed avocado, a reliable dealer, or a Spoons. Everything is within half an hour by bike, avoiding minor collisions with cars or with a Deliveroo rider en route with an order from Yo Yo Burger.

Food of the Gods

Studying at Bristol is a once in a lifetime experience. We’ve got so many study spaces to choose from that people have trouble finding a place to go.

For humanities and social sciences students, we have the delight which is the Arts and Social Sciences library. Finding books there can be a pain in the ASS, but the staff are on hand to help with any enquiries at any time, except for the week you submit an important assignment.

For everyone else, you won’t have to share your space, so Chemistry, Physics, Biomedical and Engineering students have a place of their own (apart from engineers, who have to share it with other engineers).

You'll come to loath this place in due course

For £9,000 a year Bristol students have unprecedented access to online resources every other university offers for the same price, as well as the opportunity to buy books that likely aren’t in the library, just like normal members of the public.

Scientists will experience the wonders of 5 hours’ lab work, and the most rewarding part of anyone’s degree, group projects. Humanities and social sciences students will be glad to know that teaching is kept to a minimum to maximise your skills as independent researchers.

Professors are available at least an hour a week outside of teaching time, and personal tutors will arrange a meeting with you at least once every 4 months.

Before v after the jaegerbombs turn effect

The Night Life in Bristol is great fun. If you’re in Lizard Lounge and remember having a good time, you’re doing it wrong. Don’t forget to check out Lola Lo and, to finish off a good night on the Triangle with a visit to the legendary Jason Donvervan, always a welcome sight for students.

For braver souls, SWX is only a little further, as is Lakota and Motion, a world-famous club just by Temple Meads station. If you arrive there sober, a taxi back home will cost you less than buying enough drinks to get you in the mood for clubbing.

Get ready to see this guy's smiling features every day

Living in Bristol is excellent. There’s nothing quite like living in a seven-person house with only one bathroom, or deciding who should take the bins out. For first years, there’ll always be a block party only a few doors down when you might be trying to sleep.

And for anyone who lives in Stoke Bishop Campus, memories of travelling on the 16 Bus to uni will stay with you for many years.

Be careful when buying food that it will keep for longer than a day, and put a padlock on your milk in case your flatmates are feeling sneaky. Keep extra room in the Fridge for Red Stripes, Thatchers and local IPAs which you can barely afford or whose names you can’t even pronounce.

In short: you're going to love it.