Clare College gives 70 year old member ‘the chop’

A row has erupted after Clare College yesterday afternoon dismissed one of its oldest tenants, presumably thought too elderly to contribute to college life. 

On Thursday, an ‘iconic’ cherry tree had the terms of its employment cut short, with the College citing that the tree in question had bracket fungus, which would eventually cause the tree to become unstable and die.

Is Clare College throwing (away) shade?

The once beautiful Cherry tree had a central role in college affairs, lining the pages of prospectuses with its luscious looks, and was even thought to be one of the most photographed trees in the world.

However passersby have begun to speculate that the college veteran felt ‘wooden’ in its recent interactions with students, tourists and the wider public.

#Fells

The axing of the once-esteemed member of Clare will no doubt lead to accusations of ageism being levelled at the College, with their head gardener conceding that the bedraggled stub would be replaced by a younger model, telling Cambridge News that “we will be propagating from the old tree in order to have a new one from the same stock”.

An anonymous student told The Tab, “the felling of this beautiful old tree will only serve to remind the public of how rooted the university is in its antiquated beliefs”.

A Clare student said: “Literally there is now no more reason for any tourist or student to ever come to Clare again”.

“It’s the end of the college as we know it”.