Sussex’s Most Eligible Bachelor Nominee: Will Palfreyman

Hello lads and ladies, my name is Will Palfreyman… and believe me I really do put the Man in the PalfreyMAN. I am a second year History student, full of sleaze and always eager to please with ease. I’m constantly being complemented on my ability to win over crowds with my wide array of animal and bird noises, my personal favourite is doing the Fluffy Brushtail Possum laugh… so if you’re lucky enough to catch my eye you can have the full menagerie of my repertoire at a nice bar or the Sea Life Centre.

I'm an intense kind of chap, who likes nothing more than long walks in the forest alone, but with the right person, I may accept a travelling companion.

The first thing people usually notice about me is my quirky personality, closely followed by my smashing ankles. I'm the man for you, if you like great ankles and armpits, particularly combined with ample amounts of baby oil…

I work as a professional cool dude, helping members of the public. This allows me to exercise my skills: animal noises, birdsongs and carpentry. My life goals include; fighting a dragon, falling in love with you, becoming the best professional cool dude I can be and helping all the members of the public in the world

If you're the right person for me, you'll be smart and mother-like. You won't be afraid to get freaky-deaky and will have a healthy respect for uncontrollable lust.

If you’re ever out and keen for a manly machine, hit me up at the venerable discothèque Pryzm, within the Cheese Room, strutting my champion two step dad shuffle to ‘We like to Party!’ by the Vengaboys. Failing that, catch me in the Haunt, sassing it out to Katy Perry and putting a ring on it to Beyoncé, and maybe if you’re the lucky one, you’ll be the one getting the ring. Woof.

Unfortunately, I have a condition where I get nervous talking to girls and start doing impressions of the Teletubbies or Austin Powers characters, which usually doesn’t go down too well, but I hope one day I can find a lady as much into Ivana Humpalot or Felicity Shagwell as me, but hopefully not too much as this stallion needs his Mojo back.

In reality, I am just a small town boy looking for my city girl, but can we not take midnight trains anywhere? I am scared of the dark and of the slidey writing that tells us where we are…

The next stop is the entrance to my heart ❤

Favourite thing about yourself: Either my perfectly sculptured armpits, or my enticingly shaped ankles

Pet peeve: Ed Sheeran, he looks like Rupert Grint's slightly deformed cousin

Pineapple on pizza: You wouldn't use vaseline as lube? Absolutely bloody not

Ideal date: Reading Fifty Shades of Grey-fan fiction in club toilets, with a full of oestrogen woman by my side OR maybe go to my favourite spot in the forest, providing you're a suitable companion and I can show you my carpentry skills

What's the most attractive quality a girl can possess: Probably the female genitalia…It helps

Favourite sex position: Definitely the Butter Churner. I'm a man of many talents

Nominate your friends here.