All your Sussex questions answered… by a fresher who knows absolutely nothing

With freshers around the corner, thousands of teenagers across the country are packing up their things and leaving the comfort of home. Living in a new city comes with lots of questions, some of which you will sadly struggle to find answers to on google, and will have to answer them yourselves with this crazy thing we call experience.

I was picked out and shown a few questions about Sussex before I move in next week. I haven't looked up the questions and I've answered as honestly as I could so at least I get 10/10 for effort.

They can't wait to welcome me!

Did you hear about varsity?

So from what I have heard it's a big rugby game between Brighton and Sussex, but last year Sussex got mad and rioted for some reason (maybe they lost?) and now I'm upset because it got cancelled for this year. I rate Sussex for being the passionate ones though, definitely my kind of place.

Do you know who Adam Tickell is and what do you think of him?

I have absolutely no clue. My only guess is that he's some Sussex bigshot or alumni that no one likes, especially with a surname like Tickell. He's not 'tickling' anyone's fancy anytime soon (I hope he's not reading this but if you are I LOVE WHAT YOU'RE DOING MR TICKELL.)

How crazy will freshers be?

If I can't use phrases such as 'best week of my life' '24/7 sesh' 'so lit' 'mad one' when describing it in the future, I did it wrong. My aim is to remember less than 25% of it. It's definitely over hyped but as long as you do freshers the way you want to, it can't go that badly. I'm most worried about how annoyed I'm gonna get with answering the same questions over and over: 'What do you study?' 'Where are you from?'

If someone doesn't jump in the sea at 3am I will be very disappointed

East Slope Bar or Falmer Bar?

Both of these sound very countryside-esque. I'm only really interested in where I can get the cheapest jaegerbombs on a Friday. If East Slope is actually on a slope that could be dangerous after a few bevs. Although nights out should always involve an element of risk and Falmer sounds too tame, so East Slope all the way.

What does a typical Sussex student look like?

Everyone in Brighton has cool clothes and great hair – styled perfectly by the sea breeze. I also feel like everyone should have skateboards and wear vans. Overall, a 'vintage but simultaneously edgy and a bit pretentious' look is what I'm expecting. I bet everyone starts off looking clean and tidy for their first lectures and seminars, and gradually we all end up coming in wearing tracksuits and hoodies. In fact, I hope that happens because I don't have the energy or money to keep up with the Brighton style.

Which will be the worst accommodation on campus and why?

It's all about name for me, if it sounds good in conversation it's a winner. Anything with the word park in it sounds sophisticated so Park Village has my stamp of approval. I really don't like the sound of Swanborough – it's a rip off of Swansea and Loughborough and I'm not ok with plagiarism. Saying Brighthelm aloud also sounds like you've got a bad phlegm issue – both get the top rank for worst accommodation in my opinion.