Dead porpoise that shagged itself to death found inland in Sussex
Some situations are just fucked up
I’ll get straight to the facts. Last week, a 110-pound porpoise (it’s like a whale stuck in puberty) was found wrapped in a yellow tarpaulin dead in a side street 12 miles away from the centre of Brighton.
Animal expert Rob Deaville explains that old porpoises, like this one, save all their energy for mating. Eventually they shag themselves into a cold hungry shivering wreck, until they can get it up no more.
What a way to go.
Tim Allen, not the guy from Home Improvement (or my year 8 rugby coach), who found the dead porpoise said: “I was confused, it’s a weird place to dump a porpoise body. It was very surreal”.
How did it end up in a yellow tarpaulin in Worthing? Presumably someone picked it up, carried it, got bored, and put it down in Worthing.
But the most fucked up thing about this, is that it’s not the most fucked up land based incident involving an aquatic animal in the South of England. The very same Rob Deaville once had to deal with a dead dolphin stuffed into a phone box.
What the fuck England?
The Brighton student said: ‘It’s devastating. I’m trying to remain strong and positive and just try to fight it as best I can’
Applications close on Sunday 16th April
Some students have already called the ban ‘ridiculous’
The Grammy award-winning Black Eyed Peas will be headlining
‘It’s upsetting to see the news whilst being so far from home’
The 18 days of strike action will take place between February 1st and March 22nd
Over 70,000 staff at 150 universities will be striking
It’s that time of year again
Everything you need to impress your future significant other
With the shorter days approaching and summer officially over, it’s very common to experience seasonal depression
On the hunt for new music? Look no further
‘One of our parties ended with someone peeing in my wardrobe’: Sussex students worst halls horror stories
From secret crushes to peeing in wardrobes, we’ve seen it all
Strikes will be held on the 24th, 25th and 30th November
Beans on toast advocate til I die x
Time to channel your inner ghostbuster
Do what you need to do, boo
Nothing more relatable than “I’m the problem, it’s me”
From bursaries and access to hardship funds to pay what you can supermarkets on campus
Protect her at all costs
She’s just issued an apology
‘I’m not going to hold back and lie for them’
This is not a drill, I repeat this is not a drill
Both One Day’s book and film gave Dexter a new girlfriend after Emma
It’s been messy!
Different talent, same feels x
There have been cheating accusations and constant Instagram statements
It took police 11 years to put him in jail
She’s accidentally become a new pop icon and Twitter is obsessed
You’re telling me this NOW??
Dare you to not get them stuck in your head x
He’s had to set up a regular ‘staff patrol’ of the grounds
She told Megan she ‘could never compare’
Just delusioning myself that this is real rn x
That’s if they ever even were a couple
The two started dating in April 2023
Anne Hathaway my 70s queen
Remarkably he wasn’t on his phone the whole show