Student Hippies: Fuck Off!

Take your organically grown quinoa and shove it so far up your irritating-self indulgent-not an accurate reflection of the left-smelly-unwashed-arse that you start growing the gluten free pseudocereal in between the roots of your collection of pigtails you call hair.

I’m not hating on the whole hippy sub culture, I’m hating on the faux-student-hippy culture. Because not eating red meat, driving a hybrid, and not shaving your pits isn’t exactly what Ken Kesey had in mind.

Bringing hippy to the 21st century

It’s not the ethical beliefs of student hippies that make them more unlikable than George ‘Gideon’ Osborne punching a nun, it’s their arrogant sense of skewed intelligence that somehow correlates with habits like chronic weed smoking, boring gap year tales, and dreadlocks.

Being a student hippy is some sort of first world post-materialist phenomenon where hypocrisy is rife and rhetoric is abundant. A 20 year old middle class science student from Berkshire somehow thinks that their very temporary lifestyle will be the cure for world poverty, war, and cancer. Well here are a few things that aren’t down to you:

Tweeting #WorldPeace isn’t quite the same as protesting against the Vietnam war, staying in a hostel doesn’t equal to living in a commune, and listening to Alt-J doesn’t mean you pretty much saw Janis Joplin live.

‘Trying’ to be a hippy is almost an oxymoron, its self-defeating. Tie-dying your H&M t-shirts and buying a new pair of River Island sandals won’t help you ‘find’ yourself. Many original hippies didn’t wear any clothes at all, how far are you willing to go?

Touche hippy, touche.

Don’t hold a drum circle if you can’t play the drums, don’t spout about politics if you think Barroco Bama is our President, and for the love of God don’t quote John Lennon if you don’t actually know what he was talking about.

Student hippies play this tolerant card that is actually about as tolerant as Nick Griffin at Notting Hill Carnival. See many of the rest of us on the left share similar goals and aims, but because we wear jeans and a freshly pressed M&S shirt, we get stared down like we’re Warren Buffet’s rent boys. We didn’t invent capitalism.

Also, you say stupid things. Things like “no one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky”, WTF does that mean? And why always moan about “the man” and “the establishment”, when your dad is a city banker and your mum works for the civil service? And on a personal note stop saying the words “groovy”, “far out” and “heavy”. Stop it. Naughty hippies.

So stop pretending to be a hippy, because the only hip you’ll ever be is the hip you have (your literal pelvic region).

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