Your complete guide to being a Glasgow uni wanker

You just need to convince yourself you’re better than everyone else

It is pretty easy to spot a Glasgow uni wanker.

Normally they’re hanging around Byres Road, Kelvingrove Park or sipping some obscure tea in hipster Tchai Ovna. Their distinct style is hard to miss around the city. From the classic posh brands to trying-too-hard vintage, these tragic styles just keep popping up.

So here at the much more fashionable Strathclyde Tab, we have put together an outfit guide of what not to wear, ever.

The ‘fresh out of the country club’ look

It’s all about the tartan scarf on parka on cricket jumper on jeggings for this category of GU students.

You won’t find anything from the high street from this look, designer-everything being a bare necessity. A reliable pair of winter boots is ideal as a good, sturdy sole will come in handy when walking over anyone who doesn’t own at least two holiday homes. Couple a Burberry scarf with your dad’s old cricket jumper and keep yourself warm from the icy glares of the peasants with a Barbour jacket on top, and you’re spiffing.

The hippie chick

The hippie chick does not know uni stress, she is zen at all times. Show the world how at peace you are by practically wearing your pyjamas outside. A messy bun and lots of crystal jewellery (for the healing powers, obv) will complete the look.

Don’t forget to throw on that amazing handmade scarf you bought on your gap year in India, too. Oh, and carry around a yoga mat at all times – you never know when your stress levels will start to rise and you’ll have to break out the downward facing dog to calm down.

The ‘it’s all vintage’look

This one is so easy – just walk into any vintage shop on Byres Road, grab a handful of shit and wear it all at once.

It doesn’t need to match, in fact it shouldn’t – matching clothes are way too mainstream. The more ugly patterns the better and bonus points if you add a ridiculous hat. Don’t forget to pick up a vintage band t-shirt: it’s fine if you’ve never listened to the band, it’s all about the aesthetic after all.

The ~edgy~ look

If you are all about style and wouldn’t be caught dead in leggings and a baggy jumper, this look is for you.

Wear all black to seem mysterious and cool, sunglasses (yes, even in winter) and of course some kind of over-sized hat. Leather will add that all important edge to your look so wear as much of it as possible. Make sure you have a very active Instagram account to match your aesthetic and set up a fashion blog – people are dying to copy your oh so unique style.

The ‘sports luxe’ look (Jack Wills Edit)

Take yourself back to your pre-pubescent 14 year-old self, this look is all about the brands we used to love. Anything with a Jack Wills/ Hollister/ Abercrombie and Fitch label will do, and make sure to put your hair in a “messy-but-brushed-to-perfection” bun.

Ideally, this look will be finished off with a raggedy pair of New Balance’s, however, any over priced trainer will do. Make sure to keep warm too, a pair of mittens and a course the heat from your cigarette will most likely do the trick.

The Fred Perry top

This clothing piece is so crucial it needs a whole section devoted to it. The Fred Perry top screams indie/grunge, and is a great substitute for when your band tees are in the wash. A pair of casual jeans and chelsea boots are the perfect accompaniment to this look, keep it simple. If possible, grab a pair of headphones and play the Arctic Monkeys album on loop to really get in the spirit.