Which one of these Valentine’s Day couples are you?

Have you ever bought someone a chocolate rose?

It’s the start of February and the 14th is on the horizon. We all know what this means…the dreaded Valentine’s Day. There are so many distinctive couples celebrating their love, and you can spot them all a mile off. Are you the “boujee couple”, “not quite a couple”, or even “the out of sync couple”? Have a look into your V-Day celebrations with your significant other and find out which profile fits you below.

P.S., if you’re the “basic couple”, it’s okay.

The basic couple

You get each other red roses and chocolate and all things standard. You’ll both wear blue skinny jeans and a white top for when you give each other a Pandora ring and a Paco Rabanne 1 Million aftershave gift set. One of you will definitely post on Insta with the caption “Valentine’s Day with this one <3”, and the other one will comment “love you xx”.

The romantic couple

You’ve got a candlelit dinner and a full-blown date night planned – romance is your love language. There’s a mixtape in your partner’s bedside table with your name on it filled with smooth jazz, a voiceover and 2000s R&B. Matching onesies have been ordered from ASOS and the red fluffy handcuffs are already laid out on the bed. You’re definitely in for a loved-up evening.

The not quite a couple

You’ve been seeing each other for a few months now, it’s going well, you’re not seeing anyone else…but you’re not official yet. This not-quite-a-couple will spend hours deliberating with their friends about whether to get their person a card and maybe even bring up the ever-dreaded question: “What are we?” If no one brings it up soon, you’re doomed to be awkwardly sat in your rooms come the 14th, trying to avoid the subject over text and pretend you don’t know what day it is.

The new couple

You’ve not been together long, so the anxiety-inducing run-up to V-Day consists of stressing about what to get them because you’re just not quite sure what the budget should be but you’re not yet comfortable to ask. To anyone who needs to hear this: please don’t get her that teddy bear.

The established couple

You’ve been together for multiple V-Days so present giving is now second nature. You get each other something small and meaningful because expensive presents aren’t the main attraction any more – you’re just grateful to have made it this far.

The ‘we don’t do presents’ couple

You’ve both mutually decided not to do presents. This was decided weeks ago. One half of this couple will inevitably buy a gift, and the other won’t. The former will be offended that the latter did not get them a present despite having decided not to do them, and the latter will be in the doghouse. Should have seen it coming.

The boujee couple

Expensive gifts galore. We’re talking Swarovski earrings, Tiffany necklaces and Yeezy’s. This couple will probably not last long because the expense will soon become too much and next time, they’ll settle for someone who’s happy with a nice card and a kiss on the cheek.

The out of sync couple

One half of this couple will spend hours putting together a scrapbook of their favourite memories together, alongside cooking the other person’s favourite meal. They will make sure all their housemates are out so they can spend the perfect V-Day appreciating each other. The other half will stop off at Tesco on their way and grab a chocolate rose and some gummy bears, turning up beaming with joy about all the effort they’ve put in. If you can relate to that second part: I beg of you, read the room.

The couple that doesn’t believe in Valentine’s Day

V-Day is a capitalist construct invented to make a profit. No presents allowed. Any roses seen between the 10th and the 18th February will be burned on sight. This ideology was definitely an excuse originally brought about by one half of the couple having overspent on their groceries that month so having no budget left for Valentine’s Day, but hey, you’re too far gone now. Roll with it.

The palentine’s couple

You and your mate(s) are single so you decide to get each other gifts to solidify your everlasting bond, and feel slightly less alone. The plan on the 14th is to get a Domino’s and sit on the sofa to get drunk and watch Titanic – admirable.

So whether you’re three weeks into planning a present for your babe or just planning to wing it on the day, you’re sure to have a corker of an evening. Valentine’s Day is different for everyone and the way you choose to spend it is both unique to each pair and worthy of respect. Except if you shop at Pandora – that’s too far.

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