I’m calling it now, Liquid in Oldham is the best worst nightclub in the UK

How can you say no to those rainbow stairs?


Oldham – we may always be voted the worst place to live in the UK, but we have the best nightclub.

If you are looking for a great night out, fully loaded with VK’s of every colour, a sheltered smoking area so you literally cannot breathe and a podium allowing everyone to see your moves then you have come to the right place. If you have never been, you are seriously missing out because Liquid in Oldham is the place to be.

The rainbow stairs

The stairway to heaven or hell, depending on whether you prefer Liquid or Envy. Everyone has fallen down these stairs at least once, but not to worry because they are fully carpeted much like the rest of the club, so will definitely ensure the most painful carpet burn possible. Walking down these rainbow stairs drunk enough to feel like you’ve taken psychedelics is the only way to spend a Friday night out if you’re from Oldham. They also provide the absolutely crucial and incredible photo op. Guaranteed, even though you have been to Liquid a thousand times before, and taken this exact picture, you will take it again and again.

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A-lister guest list

You’re never too far from a celeb in Liquid, we have entertained the likes of Chipmunk, S Club 7 (more like S Club 3 because only three of them actually showed up) and Jax Jones. Over Easter I am sure we are all very excited for Sean Kingston to entertain all us beautiful Oldham girls, and I bet many other hometown clubs cannot brag about their Z listers like we can.

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(Apparently Jax Jones)

£1 membership

Ok, imagine paying £8 to get into Liquid in Oldham, dreadful. We've all done it when we have forgotten our memberships and passing back in the queue hasn’t quite worked out. When you have your Liquid membership attached to your keys you know you come here way too often, but you continue to do so anyway. Who can resist when Liquid provides the perfect three-night bender: Thursday, Friday and Saturday all for £3 if you are a loyal member?! I’m in.

No, it is not

The birthday package

No other club provides a birthday package quite like Liquid does. Free entry, free bottle of bubbly, a badge, sweets and your age in drinks vouchers!? Why would you want to spend your birthday anywhere else. The only reason we would ever live in Oldham when we are older is so we can have our fiftieth bash in Envy with all the other forty pluses, slow dancing to Abba on the light up dance floor with the £50 drinks vouchers we have been given. Amazing.

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You know absolutely everyone

Even if you don’t want to. Oldham is a pretty small place, so the likelihood of every face you walk past being a familiar one is 100%. It's hard not to when it is literally the only club left standing in Oldham, who here remembers Tokes!? The girl you bitched about in Year 8 Biology, she is there and you are swinging on her neck telling her how much you love and miss her. Liquid is prime place for all those 16 year olds using their older sister’s ID and you can spot them a mile off, they are probably in some form of ball gown with six inch heels. For us long timers, Liquid really does make you feel old, it is generational so as each year group slowly starts to turn 18 (or 16 for our club) a new wave of people comes flooding in, and frankly, we cannot stand it.

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Pizza and Potato Factory

A night out at Liquid is not complete until you run through the rain to get your weekly fix of pizza and potato factory. This completely defines people; those who are normal who get the pizza and those who are strange and need to re-evaluate everything who get potatoes (a very rare occasion), especially tuna mayo, that is just wrong. Still, without a doubt Pizza and Potato factory has its rep for being just as iconic as Liquid itself, we love you pizza and potato factory.

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Liquid is right at the heart of all us Oldham folk and that is where it deserves to be. Whilst we complain to everyone about how much we hate liquid and how awful Oldham is, we are proud to be from such a place and our club just makes it what it is – a truly memorable experience.

The Tab Newcastle

last seen today at 02:57

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